Reconnecting?

I was flipping through the channels of TV, seeming like you couldn't watch anything without some kind of election non-sense. I was forever 17, so I'd never be allowed to vote. Plus vampires didn't have those kind of rights, I don't think anyway. Never was one to be into politics so I just turned it off. Sam had said I could go in tonight to work closing and I was sort of excited about that since it would give me social interaction with someone...anyone. Hell, I'd even talk to Maxine Fortenberry. I hadn't seen Jason around lately, Hoyt in Alaska, Bill Missing, Pam and Tara I felt like the third wheel, Eric was...well Eric was probably doing something with Sookie and that mysterious man.

Maybe a walk would do me good. I'd walk to work tonight, since it wasn't very far and I wouldn't get exhausted. I could hang out by the pond behind Merlotte's. It was always so peaceful and tranquil there. Opening the door I stopped dead in my tracks to see Bill standing there, hands in his pockets, looking down. Oh, maybe that walk would be a run?

Bill was walking through the Bon Temps cemetery for what had been the fifth time in the last week at precisely the same time as he had done these past few nights trying to clear his head as he kicked at the dirt beneath his feet as the sound filled the eerie night silence that surrounded him. The in between his former home and that of his former lover Sookie Stackhouse, he could hear nothing from her home as he could see through the swaying tree branches that all the lights in her home were turned off, assuming that she would be with Eric at Fangtasia. Now that he had remembered everything that had happened since he had been a member of the Vampire Authority and what he could remember after consuming each and every single last drop of Lilith blood that he had switched vials before his trickery of Salome. He continued to pace back and forth as he forced his mind to clear his mind to which he had no avail. As a gentle breeze brushed past him as the sound of crickets chirped in the background, he did feel as ease for the first time in what felt like forever since he had become a vampire.

As he turned he could see that his former home was alive with bright lights that shone from each and every window. He slowly made his way towards his former home, his eyes locked firmly on the large building. As his feet kicked up the dirt and stones, he caught the sight of the headstone of his former human wife. Caroline. What would she think of what he had become, what he was foolishly led to believe in such a falsehood of Lilith. He silently apologized to her, hoping that somewhere, where ever she was that she could hear him and prayed silently that she would forgive him for what he had done. He could not forgive himself, but prayed that someone out there would, hoping and praying was all that he had, not that he deserved any of it. He had pushed Kiara away at their first and most likely the last meeting, knowing that being with him would not be safe, for either of them. With his constant visions or now he believed hallucinations of Lilith appearing to him still had him on the frequent edge of insanity.

Unsure if anyone was there he turned and slowly made his way towards his former home as felt his body tense as he came into the clearing on the land that could be seen from the ground floor windows clearly. As he feet dragged up the stairs to the front door, he saw the door handle turn and the door flash open. His eyes became wide as he saw for what he wanted to believe for the first time. His progeny Jessica. His mouth suddenly became dry and he fought to find any words to escape his dry lips as he had not fed in over a week, unwilling to become the monster he knew that was and what others believed him too be.

"Jessica.....May I come in?"

He waited for her response as her eyes were wide with shock and disbelief, he could not feel her emotions as he had closed the bond off between them many weeks ago, believing it was the best option for them both.

I stared at him for what seemed forever, not talking. Not knowing what to say. Surely he knew he could just enter and didn't need an invite in. He seemed calm, his eyes pure and loving like I remembered. Stepping aside, I trusted my instinct and secretly prayed the instinct was right.

"Yeah, of coarse you can. It's....your house." I said, my voice a bit shaky. Closing the door behind him as he came in I looked around, knowing we were alone. "so, um...where've you been. I haven't seen you since the night at Fangtasia."

As he waited to hear her response his eyes searching her own, fear displayed plainly on her face and in her eyes. He watched as she stepped aside and reminded him that this was his home. This had not been his home in such a long time since that night the Vampire Authority guard had come for him and Eric for the incident involving the witch and then eventually the knowledge that Russell Edgington was in deed fact alive when they had sworn to Nan Flannigan that he had met the True Death as their hands.

"This hasn't been my home in such a long time Jessica *he paused* And i thought.....i thought it would be best to keep my distance from everyone"

He took his first steps into his former home as he welcomed the warmth that filled the house, a warmth that he welcomed more than the need to feed. He did feel weak since his lack of blood, but he welcomed the pain inside that it brought him.

"I-I have visited Kiara...............And I have been wandering around, avoiding all human and vampire contact. Except for the few visits from Eric"

I watched his face and saw the hurt all around it. He was struggling with what happened to him, what he'd gone through. "You uh...want a true blood? I have like a fridge full. Been working for Sam, getting tips." I offered to him as I made my way into the den where the sofas were. He seemed to follow hesitantly. I took a seat on the leather sofa and looked up at him. "Bill...I...I want you to know you don't have to feel guilty about what happened. It was out of your control. I realize that. I just want my maker back. You....you're like the father I never had. The one I DID have wasn't always on my side." Standing again, as I inched closer to him. Extending my arms slowly, as I finally touched his shoulders, looking in his eyes. "A-are you okay?"

"No thank you.....I-I'm fine" he replied at her offer for a True Blood, part of him began wishing that he did accept the True blood as he felt the hunger bubbling beneath his skin as the mere thought of the blood, although it be artificial it would have helped quench his burning first that he could feel raging at the back of his dry throat. He followed her hesitantly into the den as he followed her every movement and tried to match it in his own stride, but refusing to sit as he would rather stand as he felt like a guest in this house as it was no longer his in his head and in his un-beating heart. All that he had now belonged to Jessica in his eyes and also on paper safely with his human lawyers.

He listened to her about wanting her Maker back, a father she had called him. He had been neither of them for a long time and he felt like he had no right to accept any of those titles from her.

"Jessica....You could never understand what happened out of your sight...What i mean....there are things I have done that i would never wish upon my worst enemy"

He took a much un-needed breath as he turned his back to her, feeling her hand touching his shoulder shocked him as he backed away from her as she asked if he was okay.

"I haven't been your Maker or your father for a long time Jessica...I have no right to accept your forgiveness for what i have done....For what i did to you"

I sighed. He was always so guilty, and "not-worthy". Bullshit. Bill was a great man and I knew it. He'd taught me how to fight, given me a chance at a life, an actual life. We had our ups and downs but what family doesn't. "Bill, you absolutely have every right to be forgiven. Forgiveness is a part of my faith. I still believe there is a God, and I believe that people deserve second chances. Things happen, big deal. I'm fine. I forgive you, but you need to forgive yourself...or you'll never be the same. Don't let this ruin you...ruin us." I made my way around him to face him again and took his face into my hands to make him look into mine.
"You ARE my father, in some sense of the word. Let.me.help.you. Please?"

"How can you be so forgiving after what i have done to you? I was foolish enough to believe in a false god that would lead us all into a new generation for vampires. So that we could be free and live without fear in our hearts" with his back to Jessica as his head turned to glance out of the window into the dark night.

"ובשרם יהיה לטפח אותך, דמם יזרום בתוכך, כלחיפושית מזינה עפרוני כך יהיה האדם מזין את הערפד."

(Translation from Hebrew to English - And their flesh shall nourish yours, their blood shall flow within you, for as the beetle nourishes the lark so shall human nourish vampire")

From the Book of Lilith

"And their flesh shall nourish yours, their blood shall flow within you, for as the beetle nourishes the lark so shall human nourish vampire *he took an un-needed breath* I was willing to sacrifice the ones who wanted to save me Sookie, Kiara, Eric....You"

He paused as Jessica walked around him and stared into his eyes.

"You ARE my father, in some sense of the word. Let.me.help.you. Please?" she pleaded with him, after all that he had done she still wanted to help him.

"I should release you from this burden.....you are young and deserve too be free. To be free from what i have done and to leave all that you remember about me in your past" he could feel his eyes become heavy with his red tears and fought to keep them from falling.

"Yeah, and you were being brainwashed and drugged by ancient blood from God knows who. They have eternity to forgive you Bill, well, maybe not Sookie. But, she loves you and I know she would. She went to SAVE you. Same as me. Can't you just accept my forgiveness and we can work on being us again?" I pleaded with him, trying to get him to see what I was trying to say. But all he did was look pained as he said those words.

"I should release you from this burden.....you are young and deserve too be free. To be free from what i have done and to leave all that you remember about me in your past"

I felt like I'd been punched. "Release me? You think that will help? No. It won't...let me tell you why. Because I'm not going anywhere, Bill. You're the ONLY family I have left and I can't lose you too. Don't...do this Bill." I said the last few words in a whispering plea.

It pained Bill to say those words about releasing his only progeny, it almost broke him in half to say those words that he himself also dreaded. Out of all of this Jessica was the only one that was willing to forgive him and see past all the wrongs he had committed against her and to all others that he had sinned against if that was the only way that he could put into words.

"I was brainwashed as you say because I was not strong enough to believe in what i was being told. I wanted to believe that we could be free, free from fear, free to apart of this world with Lilith is our guide. I wanted more for you, I wanted you to have what i did not have when I was a new vampire"

He continued to fight hard against his heavy eye lids that still brimmed with his blood tears as they continued to threaten to fall freely as he used the cuff on his black jacket to wipe at them to clear his lids.

"Bill. You're the ONLY family I have left and I can't lose you too. Don't...do this Bill." she spoke in a whispering plea at him as he had been fighting to avoid physical body contact as he had closed himself of from all human and vampires, with the exception of Eric's nightly visits to him to offer him bottles of blood to which he constantly refused from him.

"Jessica...You deserve so much more than i can offer you *he raised his hand to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear and rested the palm of his hand on her cheek and slightly flinched as this was his first contact with Jessica* Your the one thing that keeps me alive....if alive is what I am....Your the greatest thing that i have ever done in my life. And for that I shall....." he could not find the words completely to finish his sentence as he stared into her eyes.

"Bill, I deserve you as my maker. That's all I deserve." He was making me wanna cry at how sad he was. I sped to the kitchen and warmed up a blood, his favorite type, bringing it back to him and smiling. His face was paler than normal and eyes sunken in.

"Here, drink. Please." Extending the bottle to him as I waited for him to take it.

She deserved so much more that what he could give her, a Maker to show her the rights and wrongs of being a vampire, not that he had much practice in that area as having Lorena as his maker didn't really qualify him to be a good Maker. And also being taken away from his human children, not being there to help his wife Caroline raise them did not make him a good father figure either. Jessica had sped away from him as he wondered what she was doing until he heard a ping from the microwave. As she sped back in with a warmed bottle of True Blood in her hand, his favorite as she remembered.

He turned from the bottle that she offered him and placed his hands on the back of the leather couch and his hands gripped it tightly in his hands. He had not fed for over a week and true he was burning with hunger, but although the blood was artificial it reminded him of all the lives, all the blood he consumed whilst he was a member of the Authority. He knew his skin was paler and his eyes sunken into his face as dark shadows under his eyes, a strong indicator that he had not been feeding like he normally would, well like any vampire should.

"N-No thank you Jessica......I-I am fine"

His eyes placed still firmly on the bottle of warm blood in her hands, fighting the urge to drink any forms of blood, a reminder of what he had done and what he could still possibly do with the constant visions or hallucinations that he liked to call them of Lilith appearing to him drenched head to toe in fresh blood.

I placed my hand on my hip and looked at him. "Bill Compton, don't make me hold you down and force feed you. It's artificial, tastes like ass and is in a bottle. So, please just drink. For me...if you have ANY regret at all, please drink." I challenged him to show me his regret by drinking the blood only because it seemed to be the only real way to get him to drink.

"Bill, I won't back down. Please..."

Watching as he gripped the leather couch back, I knew he was struggling with all the lives he'd taken ruthlessly through his Lilith high induced psychotic breakdown. Walking towards him, letting the smell of the blood get closer to him.

Bill could smell the artificial blood strongly as Jessica phrased it tasted like ass in a bottle to use her choice of vocabulary. The one thing that he admired was that she always knew how to get her way one way or another and she learned well. As his hands still gripped the back of the leather couch, as the offered the bottle of blood to him once again. He let out a sigh and nodded stiffly and took the bottle into his hand, closing his eyes he raised the bottle slowly to his lips and hesitated. Opening his mouth a little he titled the bottle and let the warm liquid glide into his mouth as is slid down his burning throat and he felt every cell, every inch of his body become alive at the blood awoke something in him that he wanted to keep dormant.

He choked slightly on the blood as he continued to force the blood into his mouth as emptied the bottle and slammed it down on a small table that sat behind the couch. He let out a spluttered cough and some of the blood spewed out and dribbled down his chin as this was the first blood, although artificial he had in a long time. As he regained his composure he turned to meet the worrying gaze of Jessica as she gleamed that he had done what she had requested him too do. Seeing the way he looked, like a former shadow of the man that she once knew, a man that he believed he no longer was or could be again.

I smiled wide and sighed an relieved sigh. I couldn't hold it any longer, I went up to him and wrapped my arms around his neck pulling him into a hug. He felt stiff and rigid but I knew that he was in there somewhere, he just had to be. He had to be the same Bill. Doing all of this because I asked him to, it had to mean that he still had a conscience.

"Thank you." Was all I could say as I just stood there hugging him. It meant so much to me that he was willing to try, he was willing to be him again. I closed my eyes hugging him and wondered if he'd hug me back.

Bill could see the glee on Jessica's face as he consumed the bottle of True Blood that she had given him, knowing that it would make her happy to know that he was trying he be the man that she knew he could be, all he could do was attempt to try but he knew it was a long and rocky road if he ever could be who he was. He stiffened as Jessica wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down in a hug, his back became stiff as he had not been used to this kind of contact with Jessica because of everything that he had done to her. He let his arms dangle by his side for a moment before lifting them to wrap around her and pull her into a tight embrace as he felt his body loosen from all the tension that had been built up inside of him as he felt her relax into him also.

"Y-You have been the greatest thing I have had in my life.....I am not the Bill you knew....But I will try..I will try to be what you need me too be because I love you enough to try to be your Maker...Your father *he pulled back and placed his hand on her cheek and let his thumb caress across her cheek* I will try Jessica *he paused* I will for you"

I placed my hand on top of his and smiled. "Thank you Bill. That means more to me than you know." Looking into his saddened eyes as he promised he'd try to be the man he was and I believed him. I knew he was sincere. Giving him another hug as I closed my eyes.

"I have to work tonight, but if you don't wanna be alone, you could....come hang out at Merlotte's with me? You ARE staying here aren't you?"

Suddenly I was worried this was some sort of good-bye or worse. Would he leave because of fear of what he might do? Would he stay and be king? WAS he still king? I had so many questions but didn't want to overwhelm him.

He nodded as she became excited about him trying to be who he who was, he would try but there was no promises that he could or ever would be the same again like he once was. He listened as Jessica mentioned that she had work at Merlotte's tonight and had offered for him to join her.

"No thank you...I would like to avoid human contact for the time being if possible *he paused* But i would like to stay here if you don't mind?"

He waited for her response as he knew that she would probably hate to leave him alone on his first night back at the manor, knowing what she would think, that he would leave as soon as she had gone. But he had no where else to go, everything he had was here in Bon Temps.

I hesitated for a moment. "Well, of coarse you can stay here. You live here, you're the King Of Louisiana....I think. We don't have to go into all that right now. But, If you stay...will you be here when I get home?"

I asked him almost afraid of the answer, fearing he'd lie and just leave once I left for work. I was just so tired of being lonely and I needed someone to talk to. I missed him, and he was my maker after all.

"I suppose with no Vampire Authority i am still stated as King.....and yes I will be here when you return. I shall not leave you alone again...I promise Jessica"

He felt guilty for making a promise he was not sure he could keep, he didn't want to break her heart again if he once again succumbed to the hallucinations of Lilith once again. He wanted to be here for Jessica, make up for the time that they had spent apart and to try to attempt to make up for what he had done to her.

I nodded and smiled. "Of coarse. I believe and trust you. True Blood is stocked in the fridge, or you can call the donor line, although...I'm not sure about money. You know since...." I dropped it at that not wanting to bring up the Authority anymore than needed. "I'll be back after closing which should be around 1 or 2, depending if Arlene leaves earlier."

I gave him a kiss on the cheek and grabbed my phone and keys from the side table. Giving him another smile, I said "Welcome home, Bill." Then turned to head for the door. Maybe things were looking up. Maybe things were back to normal. Maybe everything WOULD be okay.

"Thank you Jessica...I shall see you tonight" he nodded as she turned to grab her phone and her keys as she turned to give him a peck on his cheek.

"Welcome Home Bill"

She turned and headed for the door and left for work leaving Bill alone for the first time since entering the home. He had felt at ease for what seemed like a long time and it felt good. He hadn't felt this way in a long time.

As he turned to slowly pace and make his way into his office which had remained untouched and clean as he could smell the scent of citrus in the air that stung his nose lightly. He felt a cool breeze brush over him to which he remembered vividly.

He turned slowly and behind him was a red mist that formed into a womanly figure as it became solid. It was her, she had come to him again.

Lilith.

Drenched in fresh blood as Bill froze on the spot, as she bared her long fangs at him as she took further steps closer towards him and let out a howling hiss.

"Drink all of me.......Drink all of me"