Living with the Demons

It was silent as I lay there asleep, well more like dead. Whispers of a familiar voice had me jolting upright into a sitting position. I looked around the empty room and felt the chill run up my spine. Quinn was gone and I could hear his voice talking, he must be on the phone in his office. I felt a cold shiver against my skin and that was saying something since I was naturally cold skinned. My father appeared next to me and I lost it, turning and lunging at him I held my hands on his neck. I could...feel him. Touch him...he was...whole? Solid? This wasn't right. My growl faded at the realization that I could touch him. "W-W-What's going on?"

He just grinned as if the pressure of my hands squeezing his neck had no affect on him. "I'm already dead pumpkin, you can't kill me." My heart fell hearing him call me pumpkin. It was what he called me when I was younger, when I was daddy's girl. I released my grip and clenched my jaw tightly.

"Why are you here?"

"Trust me, I wish I knew. The point is, I don't know how much time I do have...so I need you to know something."

"What? That I'm even more worthless than you said and you're disappointed in the whore that I am? Give me more guilt about killing you?"

"No, no pumpkin. I'm sorry, that was my anger. I too, have a dark side. One of which had been controlling me for years. I wasn't the same man I was and it was my own fault."

I gaped at him dumbstruck at what he said. Moving off of him, I stood and wrapped my robe around my body; Thank god I wasn't naked. Rubbing my forehead I tried to make sense of everything he was saying. Starting to pace, I watched him with a confused look. He stood and came around to me and I stepped back from him.

"It's my fault you have this darkness in you. It's my fault you lost control and gave into those desires to hurt me, to watch me suffer."

"I don't understand how you tell me it was all my fault, and now...it's yours?"

"Because it is. When I realized you could see me all that pent up anger just...exploded. I am proud of you and the woman you've become...I am not ashamed of you. You're not a monster. I...I did this to you, all of it. Had I just listened to you...Jess...I'm..."He shook his head and his face looked like he was crying but no tears fell. My heart felt for him and what he was saying but I didn't quite understand it.

"Daddy...I...I'm sorry I killed you. I shouldn't have lost control like that."

"NO! You have nothing to be sorry for, I did it to myself. The depression, the drinking, all of it I took out on you, your mother....your sister. I created the darkness inside of you because I had it too. I let it control me but you...you're stronger than that. You CAN control it. Find it inside yourself to do so pumpkin. Don't be like me and hurt the ones you love."

I looked down and a single tear fell from my eyes. "That doesn't bring you back or change the past."

"No but it protects the future. Promise me you'll keep it under control and not let it control you."

"I--I promise. But.."

"He loves you you know. The one who saved you from yourself after you lost control. He loves you, don't forget that." He stepped closer and I let him touch me. Feeling him hug me, I placed my head on his shoulder and let the tears fall. "Don't forget I love you too. I always will."

I closed my eyes and let him hold me, feeling his lips kiss my forehead I just stayed in that moment and remembered the good times we did, once upon a time, have. He was right, the darkness within could be controlled and I had to. I had to do it to make him proud.