My mama wasn't the brightest woman but she was the sweetest. I'd come to resent her for turning her head when daddy would use his hand a bit too much to get his point across. Stand by your husband no matter what, that's what the church and God said. Eden and I learned to make sure we made daddy happy and always minded our P's and Q's. It was a day like no other that I tried to convince daddy to let me go with some friends to the mall. I was never invited out anywhere let alone allowed, but I really wanted to go. Taylor Swift had just come out and I really wanted her first CD. That conversation didn't go well, just as I'd expected. He forbid me to go and act like a mall rat as he called it, causing my anger to get the better of me and yell at him that I hated him. I didn't, but I hated how he acted, how he treated us like we couldn't think or act for ourselves.
He slapped across the face when I talked back to him and I slammed the door to my room. It wasn't until later when daddy left the house to go meet up with his buddies to talk about God when we all knew it was poker and whiskey. The door to my room slowly opened and my momma came in quietly. Tears stained my cheeks as I looked up all red and puffy eyed. She gave a soft smile and sat at the edge of my bed. She had something in her hands wrapped in birthday gift wrap. I wiped my eyes and sat up with a sad look. "I know what you're gonna say mama. But I wanted to go, I never get to do nothing with my friends." She touched my cheek and handed me the gift. "I know your birthday isn't for a couple days, I'll deal with your daddy but this is from both of us." I was turning fifteen four days and couldn't wait. Unwrapping the gift I smiled and shook my head. It was the Taylor Swift album I'd wanted to go get today, that's why daddy was so hell bent on me not going. "I'm sorry mama, I didn't know...I didn't wanna ask because well, I wanted to get it with my own money. Show I could be responsible."
She pulled me into a hug and kissed the top of my head, whispering. "We know sweetheart, we know." I wrapped my arms around the woman I called mom and felt lucky to have her in my life.
Blinking I felt tears fall down my face and I wiped them away only to look down and see blood on my hands. My birthday was in a few days and I would be turning twenty. It's not like I'd ever look like it though, I'd always look seventeen. What made me sadder was knowing I'd never have a daughter to hold and comfort like my mama used to do me. I'd never get the luxury of being called mom, and being called maker wasn't the same. I guess this was my fate, my destiny. I had to embrace it and do the best I could with it. I could still see her smile though, the way her eyes would light up when she made us happy. I missed her and I missed Eden. Guilt over killing my father started to creep up but I pushed it away. Tomorrow was another day.
He slapped across the face when I talked back to him and I slammed the door to my room. It wasn't until later when daddy left the house to go meet up with his buddies to talk about God when we all knew it was poker and whiskey. The door to my room slowly opened and my momma came in quietly. Tears stained my cheeks as I looked up all red and puffy eyed. She gave a soft smile and sat at the edge of my bed. She had something in her hands wrapped in birthday gift wrap. I wiped my eyes and sat up with a sad look. "I know what you're gonna say mama. But I wanted to go, I never get to do nothing with my friends." She touched my cheek and handed me the gift. "I know your birthday isn't for a couple days, I'll deal with your daddy but this is from both of us." I was turning fifteen four days and couldn't wait. Unwrapping the gift I smiled and shook my head. It was the Taylor Swift album I'd wanted to go get today, that's why daddy was so hell bent on me not going. "I'm sorry mama, I didn't know...I didn't wanna ask because well, I wanted to get it with my own money. Show I could be responsible."
She pulled me into a hug and kissed the top of my head, whispering. "We know sweetheart, we know." I wrapped my arms around the woman I called mom and felt lucky to have her in my life.
Blinking I felt tears fall down my face and I wiped them away only to look down and see blood on my hands. My birthday was in a few days and I would be turning twenty. It's not like I'd ever look like it though, I'd always look seventeen. What made me sadder was knowing I'd never have a daughter to hold and comfort like my mama used to do me. I'd never get the luxury of being called mom, and being called maker wasn't the same. I guess this was my fate, my destiny. I had to embrace it and do the best I could with it. I could still see her smile though, the way her eyes would light up when she made us happy. I missed her and I missed Eden. Guilt over killing my father started to creep up but I pushed it away. Tomorrow was another day.
