Confusion is thy name...

<I had no idea what to think anymore, about anything. I had, once again, screwed up in placing my trust in a vampire. First Bill and now Eric; did I have "Hey, my name is Sookie! Feel free to cheat on me, lie to me and put me in perpetual danger anytime you want! Oh, and even better? I'm part fairy, so my blood is a special treat! Come on down and get some!" written on me?>

You're an idiot, Sooks. You have the shittiest taste in men. Maybe everyone is right and you should stick with people that are alive.... <I yawned and tightened my ponytail before plastering a fake smile on my face and heading into the bar.>

* Just out of the shower after another long day in the sun, I think I'll head over to Merlotte's for a drink and to see some smiling faces. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the events of days gone past. Debbie is still MIA, haven't heard from Janna in a while but i can't sit around and wait. The run, among other things in the woods with Kiara is still fresh in my mind. It seems I can't get a grip on reality anymore. Running doesn't help, even working out is dull.* Damnit Alcide get a grip.*I said to myself as I grab my keys and head for the door.* A good stiff drink will handle this.

<It wasn't too awfully busy tonight; Jessica and Arlene were both working tonight, too. I had taken them each aside earlier and asked if I could have the simple jobs tonight... folding napkins, refilling salt and pepper shakers along with the ketchup and mustard. I grabbed the bucket full of the salt and pepper shakers and went to my favorite corner booth, away from everyone. I really couldn't handle the thoughts tonight... I had entirely too much on my plate.>

<I still couldn't believe he had done that... And I had let him into my bed that same night, no doubt. Tears welled in my eyes and I sniffled as I opened the bottom of the salt shaker and started pouring fresh salt in.>

*Walking into Merlotte's, I walked briskly to the bar to order a drink. Paying for my beer, i saw Sookie sitting in a corner booth. She had a rather strange look on her face for someone always looking to the brighter side of things. her normal glow was that of a fading candle instead of the bright summer sun as I was accustomed to seeing when I was around her.* You mind if I sit with you? *I asked as I walked up beside her booth. I could see the tears in her eyes as she looked up at me.* What's wrong Sookie? * I asked compassionately.*

<I sniffled and wiped at my eyes before looking at him> Oh... Hey, Alcide. Nothin'... Nothin', I'm fine. <I wiped at my eyes one last time and gave him what I hoped was a convincing smile.> How've you been? Busy working? Can I get you something? <I couldn't look at him; I knew if I did I'd end up giving in and spilling my guts here in the middle of everyone. I laughed a little and smiled even wider as I continued putting salt into the salt shaker>

You're a horrible liar.* I said sitting down.* I'm fine thanks and I got a drink right here. Haven't heard from you in a while. It's good to see you.* I said with a smirk. Looking at her now, I still can't shake my feelings for her. Why do i love this girl so much?* How's have you been?

<I laughed quietly and tightened my ponytail again before looking at him> Vampire troubles. Who would think that me of all people would have vampire troubles, right? <I sighed and put the saltshaker on the table.>

Pam decided to share with me that..... <I got quieter and started picking at my nails> Her and Eric went hunting and did some stuff that I wish I didn't know about now. <I shook my head> Nothin' for you to worry about.

I see. well, if you say I shouldn't worry, I won't.* God she's beautiful I thought to myself as I took a long swallow of beer. Resting my hand in her's on the table.* Do you want to go somewhere private to talk?

You're so warm.... <I said with a small grin> Guess I've said that before though, huh? Sure, lets go.

<I stood and went to tell Sam I was taking my break. He looked at me with a raised brow, but I just smiled at him> Just need some air is all. <He nodded and I headed towards the door, motioning Alcide to come with me>

*Walking behind her as we walk out the back, I take her hand as she leads us into the woods behind Merlotte's. I'm held captive by the sight of her blonde hair bouncing in her stride.* Sure is a beautiful night, huh?* I asked trying to spark conversation, all the while I couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like to hold her in my arms and kiss her the way I've always wanted to.

<I couldn't stop the grin that spread to my face as we walked through the woods> It is a beautiful night. <There was a little pond out back if you walked far enough; I wasn't sure if he had seen it before or not, but I wanted to share it with someone.> Come on, it's not too much farther.

<I couldn't exactly pick up all of his thoughts, but I could definitely feel something coming from him. I shivered a little and grinned slightly bashful as we got there; turning towards him I grabbed his other hand in mine and looked up at him.> I haven't been out here with anyone before.

It is really beautiful and peaceful out here.* I said as i sat back on a fallen tree. The moon's reflection off the water had nothing on her eyes.* So, when was the last time you were out here? I mean, you said that as if you yourself haven't been out here in a while.* I asked lost in her eyes. It's been a long time since I had Sookie to myself to talk, but it seems that everything else had escaped me. I can actually be myself around her and I must admit it feels really good being next to her again. I really cant help but wonder how it would feel to have her lips against mine.*

<I walked over to where he was sitting and plopped onto the ground beside him, my hand immediately reaching for his as I turned my eyes to the moon> I haven't been here in months. <I had found myself lately wondering what it was like for were's. Mostly I had been wondering what it would be like to actually enjoy the sunlight again. I sighed and stroked the top of his hand with my thumb before turning to him> What's it like to run under the moon every month? The freedom?

I'm full blooded, Sookie, I can change anytime I want. You can have that same freedom if you wanted.* I said pulling her closer.* It's a release from reality, but only for a little while. Problems end up coming back, but ,I have to do something I've wanted to for a long time.* Turning toward her and slowly kisses softly.*

<I squeaked a little when his lips hit mine, but immediately fell into the kiss. It was so easy to be with him. He was warm and soft, not cold and stoney like Eric was. My hand fisted in his hair and I pulled him closer as my tongue pushed against his. All thoughts of Eric slipped from my mind as I let myself just stay in this moment> Alcide.... <I said softly>

Oh Sookie. I said as my hands ran down to the small of her back pulling her on top of me, then back up threw her hair and down her face. Finally, for once, everything seemed to fall into place. I couldn't get enough of the way she felt against me.* God I want you. I need you.* I whispered between kisses.*

<I moaned and smiled as I kissed him back> The feeling is mutual, Alcide. <What was I doing? Part of me knew I should stop, but the other part couldn't. I wanted to know what it was like to be with him. I moved my hands to pull my shirt up only to stop when I heard something come through the woods.> Alcide, someone's coming. <I pulled my shirt back down and looked where I heard the noise, blushing profusely when I saw who it was.>

Sookie? <I hid my face in Alcide's shoulder> Hey Sam.... <The look on his face was priceless. I looked between Sam and Alcide before standing and straightening my hair and my clothes.> I guess my break is over, huh? <Sam looked at me with a raised brow and nodded his head. I turned back to Alcide and gave a sheepish smile> Raincheck?

Hey Sam. I guess so. * I said with a grin, trying to hide my throbbing girth in my pants. * I really do love you Sookie.* I said as we were walking back to the bar.* If you need anything give me a call, I'll be right here. Good night for now Sookie.* I said before giving her a kiss goodnight.

<I laughed and stood on my tiptoes to kiss him softly on his lips> Goodnight, Alcide. I'll see you soon.

<I avoided Sam the rest of the night and I definitely was a little worried about the directions my feelings were going in now, but one thing was for sure... I would have a smile on my face the rest of the night.>

* I had a smile the whole drive home. The first one that meant anything anyway. ai really enjoy who I am when Sookie is around me. I, for one, am glad the way the events of tonight played out. I'm sorry they had to end so abruptly. Maybe, just maybe, we will be together. Arriving at my apartment, i couldn't wait to see her again. Who know's, maybe she'll call me tomorrow.*