More than I can handle?

It was Monday and I was THRILLED (sarcastic) about going to work. I had Sunday off and it seemed Jason was working non stop. There was no time for...us. I couldn't remember the last time we hung out. I thought about Claude and how he flirted with me...I thought it was sweet, but also feared more drama would follow this. Let's get real here...Jason fell for me and it hurt Hoyt. Jason and Hoyt were now "estranged" in a way...and now Jason's COUSIN...Claude, was interested. I sure knew how to break up friendships. I really really liked Jason, but the neglect was beginning to be a little much. Claude was another temptation. Pam once said that vampires and monogamy didn't mix, I wondered if it was true. Seeing how Bill and Sookie didn't last, I had no vampire to compare to. And that scared me.

I made my way to Sam's office and got a cleaned apron, order pad and pen. Sticking the pen in my hair I headed out to the restaurant to take orders. Tonight would be a long...boring night.

I took a very long, hot shower and couldn't help but think about Jessica. She was extremely beautiful and innocent. Getting out, I dried off and went to get dressed. I couldn't stay away anymore, so I decided to go to Merlotte's to see if she was working. I pulled into the parking lot and headed in. As soon as I walk in the door, I see her. She looked like the sun and reminded me of Fae. I walked up to her and kissed both cheeks. "Hello sweetheart"

I was taking table 6 order when I felt someone pull me and kiss both of my cheeks. After blinking a few times Claude came into view and I smelled his scent. The blood mixed with his sexy cologne made me tingle in my stomach among other places. I cleared my throat and smiled nervously. Holding up one finger to him, I turned to table 6 and finished taking the order. I turned to go place the order and motioned my head for Claude to follow me. After putting the order on the wheel, I grabbed his arm and pulled him in the hall by Sam's office. "What are you doing here? Not that I mind...Just...What are you doing here?" Half excited, half worried that people would get the wrong idea and it get back to Jason. People in this town talked...alot.

"I wanted to see you. I couldn't stop thinking about you. If you're worried about people saying anything to Jason I could just tell him, I did it in a friendly way" *I laughed at what I had said, but she looked really worried. I couldn't believe it, but I actually cared enough to try to stop her from feeling that way. I loved the way her hand felt touching my arm and I noticed she hadn't moved it since she grabbed me. "So, are you not happy to see me? I think that you are, or else you would let go of me by now" *Smirking at her, I lean in to kiss her again*

I listened to his explanation and smiled. After he brought attention to my hand on his arm, I quickly removed it. I turned away feeling like I was blushing, even though I knew I wasn't. As I turned back to face him, his lips touched mine and I gasped. My fangs dropped and I covered my mouth. A look of horror shot across my face. "I'm so sorry" I said through my hand. Taking an unneeded deep breath, I retracted my fangs and removed my hand. Shaking my head I said "Oh, God..."

*Grabbing her face, I kissed her deeply, before she pulled away. Feeling a little heartbroken as she turned away from me, I stepped away from her. Smiling a little when I seen her fangs, I softly grabbed her chin and looked into her eyes. "I'm sorry. I couldn't help it, I just feel" I stopped, not wanting to show my emotion. "I'm sorry" *I walked away from her, back into the bar, and went to sit in a booth. I grabbed a menu, knowing I wasn't hungry, but definately wanted a drink. I was mad at myself for feeling something for her, knowing she was with my cousin, but also knowing I didn't want to stay away from her. I felt like I could honestly cry for the way I made her feel by kissing her.*

I watched him walk away and frowned. "Shit...." I said as I closed my eyes. Why me? Why now? Was God constantly going to tempt me with things...and was I always going to break people I cared abouts heart. I placed a hand on the wall and bumped my forehead there with a heavy sigh. Lafayette came around the corner and passed me mumbling out "It's a bitch ain't it...." I nodded and then realized he'd seen the whole thing. Or did he. I turned to ask him but he'd already went outside. I gathered and composed myself, returning to the bar. Seeing Claude in my section, I grabbed my pad and pen and approached his table again. "What can I get you tonight?" I kept my eyes on my pad as I waited for his answer, while I wrote on the pad.

*Seeing her come into the bar, I knew she was conflicted. I could feel it pouring off her. She came over and asked what I wanted. I noticed she wouldn't look me in the eye, so I just asked for 4 shots of tequila. I grabbed her hand as she went to walk away and waited until she actually met my gaze, then told her "You do look extremely beautiful tonight and Jason is very lucky. I just hope he starts appreciating you more or someone else may just move into the picture." *Smiling at her, I let go of her and watched her walk away. I really wish Jason wasn't around, I felt something with Jessica that just felt right. I couldn't explain it, I just know I felt it. I know she felt it to because I could feel the sparks between us. Literally.*

I looked into his eyes as he told me how he felt...and truthfully? He made sense...Jason was putting alot of things before us. I started for the bar and turned around, tearing the ticket off the pad and sliding it on the table to him.

]i]Words I can't say, are that I am drawn to you.
Words I couldn't say is that I want to be with you.
Questions I should ask is it just your blood I want?
Questions I don't wanna know is how many hearts will break..
I'm sorry, I don't want to string you along, but I don't want to hurt Jason either.~ <3 Jess.
[/i]
I knew I should leave things be, but I was drawn to him...and I feared it was just his blood...and a little lust, because let's face it...he was so hot. I headed to the bar to fetch his four shots of tequila.

*Reading what she had written on the ticket, I started to smile. She made sense about the blood and about the hearts breaking. I waited for her to come back with the shots and asked her to sit down. She slid in across from me and I folded my hands on the table.* "Ok, I see where you're coming from on all these topics, but here is what I think we should do. Maybe you should go find Jason and talk to him, find out what he wants, and ask him if he still wants to be with you because he's not showing it. If he were feeling anything, you wouldn't be drawn to me at all to be honest. I don't want you to break his heart, but he is breaking yours and I can see that and I don't like it. I honestly don't think it's my blood you're drawn to because I felt something the first time we locked eyes and you didn't know what I was yet. So, it's up to you, but honestly whether you want to be with me or not, you need to try to find out what Jason wants from you."

I sat there and listened intently to what he said. He made a lot of sense. I just wish things were easier. I wish I wasn't attracted to him, but I was. I wish I'd never become a vampire, but I did. I wish I'd never broke Hoyt's heart, but I did. I don't want to break Jason's heart, but I could. I nodded once and looked down at my hands. "You're right. And I will." Shaking my head I continued. "No, I didn't know what you were, but I did know you were more than human." I was silent for a bit then I continued. "My blood, has gotten me in more trouble than you could imagine." Thinking back to how Jason fell for me because he had SO much of my blood. Was it all an illusion with him? Sometimes I think I'll never know. "For now, can friends be good enough? Because I really want to get to know you."

"Friendship will suffice, for now. But just so you know, I will be waiting in the sidewings for your heart. I am here for you, anytime, day or night. My blood and background has gotten me into more trouble than I could ever explain to you and I'm sorry for putting you in this situation. I know its my fault." *I looked down and continued* "I will back off, but not completely, due to our friendship. I won't make you choose between us, but I want you to find out what Jason wants, for you, not for me. You don't need to be strung along, if he's not into it anymore. Don't get me wrong, I love my cousin and would give my life for him, but he can be a real jerk at times when it comes to women. Just want you to be careful." *I stopped talking cause I felt like I was just dragging on now. I looked back up into her eyes and could sense she was having a lot of different emotions right now. Feeling bad about rambling on and making it worse on her, I took all four shots right in a row and waited.*

I smiled as I felt his concern for my heart. I took it all in and promised myself I would not be strung along and eventually get hurt. I watched him take all four shots and my eyes widened. I touched his hand again and smiled. "Thank you, Claude. It means so much to know that." I chuckled and nodded. "And I know how Jason can be at times." I did know how he could be, but in a weird way he wasn't technically my "boyfriend" just yet. I told him I needed time for that. I told Jason I didn't want to be his girlfriend. We'd never made it known that we were "dating"...but I knew Jason looked at me as his girlfriend. I looked back up and smiled, "We can be great friends, and whatever happens, happens." I shrugged and grinned, making an exaggerated motion with my hands. "Let's leave it to destiny." That was the best I could do. No one would get hurt if we let it play out like it should. I wanted to kiss him and bite him at the same time. Among other things...

*Smiling as I felt her emotions of pleasure coming at me, my hand tingled at her touch.* "Maybe this is just the tequila talking, but I think we could let whatever happens happen tonight" I laughed and winked at her. "Just kidding, but I'm glad I have a new friend. I haven't been able to really talk with anyone lately and I'm glad I am doing it with you." I tore off a piece of the ticket that she had written on and reached over and took the pen out of her hair. I wrote down my cell on the paper and slid it across the table to her. "Here is my number. Call me anytime if you need anything, but I will be coming in here a lot more now. So, is there anyway I can get four more of these" I held up the shot glass.

I smiled and licked my teeth as I looked at his number. I slid it into my pocket and nodded. Leaning over the table as I stood, I whispered. "Coming up..." I made my way back to the bar and got four more tequila shots for him. Bringing them back to him I heard one of my customers calling for my attention. I held a finger up to Claude and made my way to his table. He asked for a refill so I used vamp speed, refilled his drink, brought him his ticket and a to-go box. The bar and restaurant were super slow tonight. We only had about five customers, maybe I'd get to leave a little early. Sam wasn't in, but I'm sure if I had no customers, Lafayette would lock up. Making my way back over to Claude, I said what I knew I shouldn't. "I get off in four hours if you wanna talk?"

Smelling her as she leaned into me as she got up, I started to breathe a little harder. Smirking, she knew what she did to me. I shook my head as she went to the bar and brought back my shots. I took each one slowly as she took care of her other table. I smiled as I watched her move around at vamp speed and waited for her to come back. She asked me if I wanted to talk when she got off, taking a deep breathe. "Are you sure? Well hell, what am I saying, yes!! I definately wanna talk when you get off work." Four hours were definately going to go by slowly, so I held up my shot glass again and winked at her.

The end of the night had came so fast. Claude stayed in the same booth, watching me work. It was sweet of him to do so, and I kinda enjoyed it. Lafayette shut the kitchen down and I did my end shift prep at vampire speed. After I was done I told Lafayette I was going to get going and he said he'd lock up for me. I smiled as I came from Sam's office with my keys and cell. "Coming?" I said as I headed for the door.

I headed for the pond on the side of Merlotte's. I figured we could go talk and get to know one another...what was the harm in that? I sat on the fallen tree and looked out into the water...black as night with the moon shining on the ripples. I set down my keys and phone on the ground and looked up at him. "So..what do you do? For a living I mean?"

*Following her out of the bar and through the woods, we came upon this beautiful pond. She leaned against the tree and I was almost breathless at how her face and hair looked in the moonlight. I kind of laughed at her question.* "Well I own a strip club in Monroe called Hooligans. I also strip there twice a week. You should come by sometime and watch me work, its only fair since I watched you tonight. Does that bother you?" *I walked up to where she was sitting and brushed her hair out of her face, but stepped back before I did something I would regret.*

I grinned and looked up at him. "A strip club? Wow...and you strip?" I was getting a visual so I closed my eyes and looked back down grinning ear to ear. Jason must get looks from Claude....they were similar in body frame. Claude smelled sweeter and more delicious. I chuckled again. "I've only been to Fangtasia...I've never been to a....strip club." I tried to wrap my mind around it. I felt his warm hand touch the side of my face as he moved a stray hair. It was like a person you thought was sexy, smearing chocolate over their body...hunger for the chocolate, and hunger for the body. That's the feeling a vampire feels, just minus chocolate and add blood. I cleared my throat at my thoughts and looked at my hands. "Bill Compton turned me, as a punishment....for killing another vampire...to uh...protect...your cousin Sookie." I said looking down.

"I'm sorry you were given this life, if that's what you can call it, but you do pull it off very nicely" Grinning, I looked down and then back up at her. "Do you feel any resentment from being turned against your will? Do you feel any towards Sookie for her being the reason for it? You don't have to hide any of your feelings with me just because she is my cousin. You can tell me anything, I promise I won't judge you, I have no reason to judge, being different myself." I looked out over the water and watched the ripples go across the surface. I loved being out here, being with her, it just felt like home. I shook my head because I know that sounded crazy. I looked over at her and our eyes met again.

I sighed an unneeded sigh out of habit. "Well, I used to. I used to blame Sookie. But as I learn myself more, and get more comfortable in my...skin, it's not so bad. It's actually pretty cool. Except for the love part...that gets complicated. Then again, I'm sure humans have the same problems. Hoyt, Jason's best friend, was my first...everything. And then I saved Jason by giving him my blood, and we started to have feelings for one another. I often wonder if its just my blood." I shook my head in thought and rested my chin on my fist.

"Yea I could see how you would think it was the blood, but since its been so long, do you think maybe that is what's causing him to distance himself? I don't really know much about the blood bond things, but just curious. I'm glad you have came to accept this life and that you are more comfortable in it. I have always been a fairy, except now, I have changed my appearance a little." *Pulling my hair back, I show her my ears* "These used to be pointed until I had them surgically fixed to look more normal. I didn't want anyone thinking I was weird or anything, although mostly I don't care what anyone thinks about me. I do really enjoy dancing at the club, it makes me feel wanted. It helps me forget about my past that I'm trying to get away from" I stopped right there. I wasn't getting into that right there. I put my hands on my face and lowered myself to the ground next to her.

"Well, sure we've had our problems, but he claims work is keeping him away." I smiled as he explained a little of himself. I couldn't picture him with elf ears. As he got closer I looked into his ice blue eyes and felt giddy. I went to speak, but couldn't...I just stared into his eyes for what seemed like hours. There was nothing but silence, and the space between us, got smaller and smaller. I licked my lips and just let it happen. Soon his lips were touching mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck and felt like I could feel my heart beating.

*As I inched closer to her, I knew I couldn't stop myself and I was hoping she wouldn't stop me either. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pressed her up against me, as my lips met hers. Starting out slow, I tried to be passionate, but that wasn't going to happen right now. I grabbed her harder against me and turned around to where I was up against the tree and my hands were exploring her entire body. I grabbed a handful of hair and took my lips away from hers and started kissing down her neck, nipping and licking my way to her ear and then down to her shoulder. The sound of her growling in my ear was making my pants extremely tight on me and I pressed her up against me so she could see what she was doing to me. I grabbed more hair and pulled her lips back to mine and kissed her as deeply as I could until all of her emotions were mine and we were one.*

I was just as into the kiss as he was. I felt what I was doing to him and I growled as my fangs dropped. I didn't stop him, even though part of me told me to. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he kissed down. Being this close to him made me hungrier. His lips were back on mine and with vampire speed I pinned him to the ground, straddling him. Everything told me to stop, but the urge just grew stronger. {Gettin' you home by Chris Young Ringtone} I stopped in my tracks and sat up, with vampire speed I was on my feet and grabbed my phone. I looked to Claude with a shamed look as I answered the phone. "Hey, Jason. You off work already?" I knew this would happen, and now...I'd let Claude on and would end up hurting him.