Work It Out

-she had rescinded Bill's invitation and he had left almost immediately, leaving her to stand in the living room completely unsure of herself. She waited only a moment before taking off out of the front door towards Alcide's truck-

Alcide, wait! Please!

-everything was fuzzy again; her skin felt like it was freezing and on fire at the same time, and she could swear she could see his aura as she ran towards him. He was so upset and she hadn't meant to upset him! As she ran forward, her arms outstretched, she tripped and fell onto her front-

FUCK!

{He was fuming mad, so mad he punched the side of his truck and watched the blood seep up to the cuts in his skin.} "Damn it!" {He growled and kicked the tire, taking his frustration out on it. He heard Bill leaving and only turned his head to give him a hard glare, turning away from him, he forcefully pulled open his truck door and heard her call his name. He groaned and went to ignore her when he heard her fall and curse. Turning around, he saw her struggling to get up and felt bad. He walked over and helped her up, stepping back and debating whether or not to listen.}

"Sookie, I don't need an explanation. It's your home you do what you want."

-not missing the fact that he helped her up and immediately stepped back, she moved towards him with her hand outreached, oblivious to the blood coming from the cut where she caught herself. She stared at it, momentarily mesmerized before she came back to reality; right. She was about to fight, again, with Alcide.-

First..... It's your house, too. Second....

-she frowned and looked back at her hand; what was she talking about? Oh, right.-

I didn't mean for it to happen. I'm... I took some pills earlier and I'm sorta... I don't know what the hell is going on and I'm a little freaked out and PLEASE don't be mad at me!

{He sighed heavily and looked away from her as she walked closer. Bill had disappeared back to his crypt or whatever it was he slept in but he was still upset. Why was it affecting him so much? She wasn't his, she didn't belong to him...but he wanted her to. She looked disoriented a bit and he furrowed his brows as he looked at her.}

"Pills? You took pills? Why? What kind? Did Bill drug you?"

{He was now curious as to what he wasn't seeing, what made her take pills and why. He took her hand to steady her and looked into her eyes. Her pupils were huge.}

My back was hurting so I took some pills Lafayette gave me at work the other day to help. And when he kissed me I think he gave me some of his blood, too, but I'm not sure.

-she looked at him, her heart racing as she did so. He looked pissed, and a tiny bit worried. Maybe there was some hope. Maybe he wouldn't hate her for too long. She gave him a small smile and continued to stare-

You're really handsome, Alcide.

"Lafayette...figures as much." {He sighed and rolled his eyes as she continued.} "He gave you HIS BLOOD?" {He said that louder than he really wanted to and closed his eyes. Of course he did, he wants to claim Sookie as his own personal blood bag he can slurp down any time. He ran a hand through his hair and shook his head with a growl from his throat. Her words made him look up and he smirked for the first time tonight.}

"And you're really high, Sookie."

{He still felt angry towards her and his next question shocked even him.} "Why'd you kiss him back....do you love him?"

Wh... Why'd I kiss him back?

-she rolled her eyes, threw her head back and laughed... loudly-

Because I'm all doped up! Do I love him?

-she frowned. She cared about him, sure. But love? There was no love in her heart for him anymore. None. He had hurt her one too many times, and the whole thing with him giving her his blood? Yeah, that was a bit uncalled for, even if he didn't mean to. Shaking her head, she met Alcide's gaze again-

I don't love him. I don't love Eric. I care about them because they were a big part of my life for a long time. But that's it. I'm done with them, Alcide. Bill... he came to apologize earlier. And he.... he.....

-her voice caught in her throat and she shook her head. Eric was dead...... She spoke the next words quietly, trying as hard as she could to keep her voice steady-

And he came to tell me that Eric's dead.

{He did not find anything she said funny even though she seemed to.} "That's no excuse, Sookie. We both know that." {He listened to her insist she loved neither Eric nor Bill but cared for them because they were a part of her life for so long.}

"You'll never be fully done with vampires, Sookie."

{Her admission about Eric's death caught him by surprise as he shifted his weight and tilted his head in curiosity. Once before he thought Northman was a decent man, he had helped his father in ways Alcide couldn't. But then he glamoured him to get his way and after that he only saw him as a prick.}

"I can't say I'm sorry, Sookie. One less fanger I guess. Eric crossed me one too many times so I won't cry, but you look like you might. I'll leave you be."

{He turned away from her.}

DAMMIT, ALCIDE! DON'T TURN AWAY FROM ME!

-she walked as quickly as she could behind him and grabbed his shoulder, pulling him so that he faced her. Didn't he understand? You could care about someone but not love them. You could have love for someone, but not be in love with them. She had to put it in terms he'd understand, even if they did upset him-

You think I'm in love with them, don't you? Tell me this, then. When Debbie was off whoring around and doing drugs, oh and let's not forget trying to kill me, even though you were done with her, you still cared about her didn't you? Just because I care about someone in my life doesn't mean I'm in love with them. They are my past, Alcide. Why can't you just freaking accept that, you stubborn ass wolf!

-frustrated beyond all belief, she reached out and shoved him in the chest while glaring at him-

{He heard her yell but kept walking until he felt her hand on his shoulder yanking him to turn around. He spun and balanced himself out as his lips pressed hard together, trying to keep his anger in check.}

"Sookie..." {She cut him off by continuing to speak and he listened. When she brought up Debbie, he clenched his jaw and knew she was right but that was besides the point of all this. You can't say you were done with someone and then kiss them. When he was done with Debbie, he abjured her...only giving her a second chance once and this was not the point!}

"I'm stubborn! I'M STUBBORN?? You're the one who can't see past those fuckin' vampires who do nothing but endanger your life every god damn time you turn around, bringing you into one big mess after another all to keep their sorry asses alive! They are nothing but trouble and death! You can't see the people who LOVE you right in front of your face until it's too late. Damn it Sookie, when will you see I LOVE YOU!"

{He spoke before his brain had a chance to filter and closed his eyes, realizing he had crossed the line. He shouldn't have said it...he shouldn't have said it because he couldn't be with her. He couldn't be with her because she was still caught up in vampire affairs no matter how much she wanted to deny it...and part of him didn't trust she loved him like she thought. He looked down and rubbed at his forehead.}

You..... what?

-she frowned, the sound of her heart pounding in her ears. Surely in her drugged haze she had misheard him... She stared at him, waiting for him to clarify.-

I-I must not have heard you. I mean, I....

-shit. She hadn't expected that; she knew he cared about her, but loved her? After he got so mad at her before for trying to take things further?-

You were upset at me because you're afraid...

{He shut his eyes tightly and cursed under his breath. Why had he said it, it was true, yes. But, the fact of the matter was that things right now were just...fucked up. He was just coming from a relationship with Rikki and she with whoever it was...rebound was all he could see and he could not see them ruining it.}

"Nothing, forget it."

{He went to help her back into the house and heard her words trail off. He automatically finished it.

"Because I hate seeing someone else kiss you, okay? Happy? I want to be the one kissing you....but I can't. I just can't jump into something so quickly, especially with you. I'm sorry about your house. I'll clean it."

{He avoided her look as he passed her and started for the house.}

You're acting just like a woman, Alcide. Stop running and freaking talk to me! I thought we were friends?! How the heck are we supposed to work anything out if you aren't going to talk to me?

-she followed him towards the house and tried to get in front of him; she was starting to focus a bit more, and with her mind becoming more clear she was able to finally try and vocalize what she was feeling. She looked up at him and spoke clearly-

Alcide. Please talk to me. We have to get this figured out because I.... I feel the same way, okay?

{He shook his head and didn't know what to say so he kept walking, knowing she was following. He got to his knees to pick up the shattered vase and lamp, hearing her walk in behind him.}

Alcide. Please talk to me. We have to get this figured out because I.... I feel the same way, okay?

{He froze in his place and the pieces of broken porcelain hit the floor as he stood and turned around to face her.}

"Sookie...what...what do you want me to say? We love each other, but there is more to it than that and we both know it. We both need to figure out our feelings and we can't do that...together. Being together before we know I mean. I don't want anything to cloud your judgement."

{God he just wanted to kiss her and claim her as his.}

-she rolled her eyes and got down on the floor to help him-

My judgement isn't clouded, Alcide. I'm more clear minded now than I have been in a long time. I told you before that I had feelings for you. You know I have feelings for you. And I am willing to put my feelings on the line after I've been screwed over so many times.

-she turned her eyes to him and sighed-

Do you want to go back to how it was before? Friends, skirting around the fact that we want each other? Ignoring it? I can do it. I'm used to pretending I don't know things and acting like everything is fine. You just tell me what you want me to do because, frankly, when I make decisions myself I normally make the wrong one.

-her head hurt.-

{He got back down to the floor after a moment of allowing her to pick up things and speak. Picking up the broken pieces and things that had been destroyed, he listened and debated on what he wanted.}

"Can't it just be simple? Do you really think me living with you will make this any easier? Timing has never been right, things have never been right. What makes you think the time is right now?"

{He sighed and shook his head, defeated.} "I don't know Sookie, I wish I had a crystal ball."

{He walked towards the kitchen to drop the trash off.}

I can't make you stay, Alcide. But I told you that you had a place to stay. And that's what you got. I give up.

-she watched him go throw the trash away, and moved to the couch. Her hand gripped the remote and she flipped the TV on, trying to find some sort of mindless thing to watch to keep herself occupied. She didn't know what to do anymore and giving up seemed to be her best bet.-

If there's one thing I know, it's that I suck at timing. Have my whole life. I'll be late to my own funeral.

{He nodded as he came back in the room and sighed heavily. Leaning against the door frame, he watched her flip through channels, thinking carefully on what he would say.}

"While I can't argue that you would probably be late to your own funeral, I can argue that you do not suck at timing. If that's the case so do I. How about we just go back to the original agreement and let things happen as they do."

{He moved over to where she sat and placed one arm on the arm of the sofa, and the other on the back of it next to her head. Leaning close to her, he met her eyes and spoke softly.}

"I vow right here and now never to kiss you again until it happens on its own."

{He kissed her cheek and pushed off the couch to a standing position.}

"I better go shower and head to bed, work tomorrow."

-she stared at him and nodded her head, unable to stop herself with the next comment-

I'm guessing the cheek kiss doesn't count?

-she smiled at him sadly and nodded her head-

I'm just gonna sit here... watch some TV.... slip into a coma.

-she turned her head back to the TV, trying to fight the urge to pull him down to just watch TV with her and maybe cuddle a bit. She felt so alone. But she wouldn't tell him that. Original plan. There would be no kissing, no cuddling, no nothing. Alcide was her friend, and nothing more. She just needed to remember that.-

I'm off tomorrow. I'll try and have dinner ready when you get back. Oh, we're having dinner with Jason one day soon, by the way. Just a heads up. He wants to meet you or somethin'.

{He smiled and gave her a wink.} "No, it doesn't count." {He started for the shower and stopped by the stairs to listen to her talk about Jason and dinner.}

"Okay, just let me know when and I'll make sure I'm here. I think I met him before but with all the craziness lately I wouldn't be surprised if I didn't. Goodnight Sookie..."

{He turned his back and headed for a long shower, then hopefully sleep. Things had not gone how he expected...at all. It begged to question was being here the right thing for them?}