You'll always remember your first love
The request was simple, he'd thought it through. But it didn't change the fact that it hurt deeply. I know we'd had our ups and downs. We been through a lot Hoyt and I...but this....him leaving. His request to have me erase myself and Jason from his memory. It hurt deeper than I ever thought. What about my memories? What about the good ones? Forget that I was ever even his first, and he mine. It was far too late to apologize, and really did it even make a difference? For him to just want to erase everything, even the good....I understood and I knew he was hurting.
I never thought I'd be able to follow through with it. I thought long and hard about glamouring him to forget that he wanted it done...but I couldn't hurt him anymore. I for once, was going to give him exactly what he wanted. As I sat on the couch in the exact spot we shared our first kiss, I found myself closing my eyes and basking in my memories. I loved Hoyt, and truth was I always would. But there just wasn't the kind of love needed to make a relationship work. It had changed, my love...it wasn't the romantic in love feeling. It was...just love and care. I saved his life once, and he saved mine.
They say you never forget your first love, unless your first love asks you to make him forget. At least...I can't forget him. As the tears fall from my eyes while I write this, I know that as much as he needs to move on, so do I. But how? Where to go from here when you know that part of your heart is feeling broken. I can't explain this feeling, and I wish it would go away. I guess there really isn't much more to say, Jason doesn't really understand me. He tries, but he doesn't get it. I guess...all I can hope for is a long happy life for Hoyt. And that he finds the love of his life. I'll keep my memories, and always remember his scent.
Now, Bill wants me to learn this thing. *holds up Bible and wipes tears* You know...I was excited to have a maker like Bill once upon a time. He was the exact opposite of my real father. Seems I've gone from one Bible pushing man to another. My daddy used to push his beliefs on all of us, whether we liked it or not. God-Fearing was what I came from and now Bill says that this God is the true God. I never thought Bill would end up like my daddy did. It's like a bad case of deja vu. This place is weird, and smells funny. It's too quiet, and too big. Everything is so nice and in place, you'd hate to move almost. And the people here....are like...zombies almost. They believe anything and everything out of this book and its actually kinda scary. I feel like I been caught in this bad horror movie dream and I'm praying to wake up. *fumbles through the pages* hmp....This shall guide you, Jessica...It's a great book and I want you to read it....he said to me. *shakes head* Guess I better see what the fuss is about since doesn't look like I have anything else to get my mind off this.
Thank you Pam for the video!
The request was simple, he'd thought it through. But it didn't change the fact that it hurt deeply. I know we'd had our ups and downs. We been through a lot Hoyt and I...but this....him leaving. His request to have me erase myself and Jason from his memory. It hurt deeper than I ever thought. What about my memories? What about the good ones? Forget that I was ever even his first, and he mine. It was far too late to apologize, and really did it even make a difference? For him to just want to erase everything, even the good....I understood and I knew he was hurting.
I never thought I'd be able to follow through with it. I thought long and hard about glamouring him to forget that he wanted it done...but I couldn't hurt him anymore. I for once, was going to give him exactly what he wanted. As I sat on the couch in the exact spot we shared our first kiss, I found myself closing my eyes and basking in my memories. I loved Hoyt, and truth was I always would. But there just wasn't the kind of love needed to make a relationship work. It had changed, my love...it wasn't the romantic in love feeling. It was...just love and care. I saved his life once, and he saved mine.
They say you never forget your first love, unless your first love asks you to make him forget. At least...I can't forget him. As the tears fall from my eyes while I write this, I know that as much as he needs to move on, so do I. But how? Where to go from here when you know that part of your heart is feeling broken. I can't explain this feeling, and I wish it would go away. I guess there really isn't much more to say, Jason doesn't really understand me. He tries, but he doesn't get it. I guess...all I can hope for is a long happy life for Hoyt. And that he finds the love of his life. I'll keep my memories, and always remember his scent.
Now, Bill wants me to learn this thing. *holds up Bible and wipes tears* You know...I was excited to have a maker like Bill once upon a time. He was the exact opposite of my real father. Seems I've gone from one Bible pushing man to another. My daddy used to push his beliefs on all of us, whether we liked it or not. God-Fearing was what I came from and now Bill says that this God is the true God. I never thought Bill would end up like my daddy did. It's like a bad case of deja vu. This place is weird, and smells funny. It's too quiet, and too big. Everything is so nice and in place, you'd hate to move almost. And the people here....are like...zombies almost. They believe anything and everything out of this book and its actually kinda scary. I feel like I been caught in this bad horror movie dream and I'm praying to wake up. *fumbles through the pages* hmp....This shall guide you, Jessica...It's a great book and I want you to read it....he said to me. *shakes head* Guess I better see what the fuss is about since doesn't look like I have anything else to get my mind off this.
Thank you Pam for the video!
