It took me a minute to remember where I was. Oh, right. After the talk with Pam at Fangtasia, I found a funeral home in Shreveport and glamoured the mortician to give me a coffin for the day. It was the best I had and I refused to sleep in the ground. Ew. I slipped out quietly into the night and took off running again, looking for some kind of solitude. Slowing my speed as I entered a park and took a seat on the bench that over looked the small pond in the center of the grounds. The ducks swam under the moonlight as I looked up and smiled remembering his arms around me and the way he smelled. I used to think it was solely because of Jason's head injury that he was..confused. Sookie had told me to give it time, he'd come around. But the longer it went, the worse he seemed to get. A laugh escaped a woman's mouth as I turned my head to face a couple on the far side of the pond. He'd just proposed to her as she covered her mouth and cried. I smiled weakly, happy for the unknown woman and glad some couples were happy. Happiness defined? Hmm I had yet to figure it out. Every time I thought I was happy, it just quickly turned to sorrow, then pain, then anger. I had no grip on it any more. Pam's words flashed over and over in my head, the difference between love and lust. Could I see myself with Jason...forever? At this moment in time that was hard to answer. I, at one point in time only months ago, could see myself with Jason for the long run. But it always brought me back to the beginning of us. Never once did I really take a second look at Jason, not until the night I saved his life--The night he had my blood. Things with Hoyt were going down hill and getting rocky. I had fallen out of love with Hoyt but still cared deeply for him which made it hard to come clean. Then, because of the blood Jason began to feel things...things for me. I reciprocated those feelings, mainly and truthfully out of lust. Once we thought it best to be friends with benefits to ease the pain of loneliness, it became just about sex. But Jason wanted more, so trying to get to know one another on a friendship level proved challenging at first, then my love for him blossomed. It took me almost losing him to realize I actually loved him, only to find out I was probably too late and he already hated me and what I was.
Now, John Quinn came into my life and made a impact on me the first night I met him. There was something about this man that just...pulled me in. Something about the way he carried himself. I was lonely and definitely had an attraction to him. His scent for one was beyond words, always sending my body into overdrive. Top that with the cologne he wore....I smiled thinking of him and asked myself the same question. Could I...see myself...with Quinn for the rest of my life? Or his? Only being with him, no one else? Monogamy. As much as I wanted to say yes, the pull to Jason, the hope I had for him to snap out of this confusion was slowly fading. Top that off with possibly falling in love with Quinn.....did I just....love? Was I? Had I ever truly been in love to know what being in love felt like. Hoyt was my first love, but it was also young love. I was in love with Hoyt, or was I in love with the thought of being in love. I was beginning to confuse myself as I stood and shook my head only to be stopped by the couple who had just got engaged. "Excuse me Miss. Do you mind taking a picture?" I had a look of shock before I nodded slowly and took the camera from him. He looked into her eyes so lovingly, caressed her cheek and kissed her as I took the picture. Slowly bringing the camera down as I watched them was this what true love looked like? Was this what it looked like when Quinn caressed my cheek, when he kissed my lips? "Thank you so much." He said as I blinked and smiled. "Sure, here you go. Congrats by the way. Don't take each other for granted." They both smiled and nodded as he took the camera from me. Once they were out of sight I ran again, this time to Monroe.
Now, John Quinn came into my life and made a impact on me the first night I met him. There was something about this man that just...pulled me in. Something about the way he carried himself. I was lonely and definitely had an attraction to him. His scent for one was beyond words, always sending my body into overdrive. Top that with the cologne he wore....I smiled thinking of him and asked myself the same question. Could I...see myself...with Quinn for the rest of my life? Or his? Only being with him, no one else? Monogamy. As much as I wanted to say yes, the pull to Jason, the hope I had for him to snap out of this confusion was slowly fading. Top that off with possibly falling in love with Quinn.....did I just....love? Was I? Had I ever truly been in love to know what being in love felt like. Hoyt was my first love, but it was also young love. I was in love with Hoyt, or was I in love with the thought of being in love. I was beginning to confuse myself as I stood and shook my head only to be stopped by the couple who had just got engaged. "Excuse me Miss. Do you mind taking a picture?" I had a look of shock before I nodded slowly and took the camera from him. He looked into her eyes so lovingly, caressed her cheek and kissed her as I took the picture. Slowly bringing the camera down as I watched them was this what true love looked like? Was this what it looked like when Quinn caressed my cheek, when he kissed my lips? "Thank you so much." He said as I blinked and smiled. "Sure, here you go. Congrats by the way. Don't take each other for granted." They both smiled and nodded as he took the camera from me. Once they were out of sight I ran again, this time to Monroe.
