Girl Talk

I woke that night with so many thoughts in my head. The previous night at Merlotte's, everything that had happened with those two weird customers. My night went to hell when I had beer spilled all over me. Thank heavens I was off from that crazy place tonight. Andy Bellefleur was now sporting a black eye and so many women were acting as if they were in heat. Thankfully once I got back to Quinn's I had calmed down, otherwise.....

Because it was my night off I figured what better time to call and see if Kiara had some time to talk. I could use a girl to talk to. While Quinn was speaking with Vincent about some things for his company, I sent her a text.

<Can we talk?>

Kiara was at home, having just walked in from work. Her phone buzzed and she looked at the number. She didn't recognize it at first but it dawned oh her who it would be. She leaned against the counter, looking down at the hallway where Bill was already appearing to greet her.

<Sure, what time?> she texted back before greeting Bill, not letting him see her phone hoping Jessica would give her a bit of time to keep Bill out of the way so no more emotional bombs would go off.

<Soon. It's important. I have no one else.> I answered her back while watching Quinn still talking to Vincent. If she couldn't help me I was screwed. I wondered if Bill would be there and thought about asking, but decided against it.

Bill went off to find some true blood. Kiara sighed, she'd have to get Bill busy somewhere, but it seems that for once the gods were in her favor as the King excused himself because he had some calls to make due to the gig going down in fangtasia. She smiled and even suggested that Bill go outside to her outdoor deck and relax while he made his calls which he seemed happy to take her suggestion.

Once he was gone she texted Jessica back. <ok, you can come over>

I rushed to the closet where my clothes hung and took a pair of jeans and a tank top out, getting dressed. Quinn entered and quirked a brow. "Thought you were off tonight?" I smiled and nodded. "Yeah..I um, Have something I have to do. Don't worry, I'll be fine. But I have to go alone." He already looked worried. Walking over to him to place a reassuring kiss on his lips and looked into his eyes. "Trust me. I'll be fine." He hesitantly agreed and offered a car. "I'll run, it's faster." Once I had my phone in my pocket, I kissed him once more before taking off with vampire speed.

She lived on the opposite end of town, but with vampire speed I was there within five minutes. I really was getting faster. I could smell Bill's scent and knew he'd been here recently, I just hoped he wasn't there tonight. I wasn't ready to face him. Not yet. Knocking three times and waiting for an answer, knowing I'd have to be invited in.

Kiara had just managed to light some special incense. Her company made special incense that would completely mask the scent of any vampire and replace it with a crisp scent, like her house had recently been cleaned.

She made sure to have some true blood ready before opening the door. "That was quick" she told Jessica, glad that with the door closed Bill wouldn't be able to hear them and Jessica wouldn't be able to hear him.

When she opened the door the smell of fresh cinnamon hit my nose, it was like she'd just cleaned. I smiled when she said I was quick. "Vampire, remember." I chuckled and shifted myself a little nervously waiting for her to invite me in. I had so much to talk to her about but so many nerves actually talking to her. It might be awkward.

She nodded "Well come in... I got some true blood if you want any" she said softly as she let Jessica walked in first before she closed the door and then led her to the den.

"What did you want to talk about? you sounded a bit urgent"

She stepped aside so that I could walk in and closed the door. I waited for her to lead the way since I'd never been here before, she walked to the den and I followed. "Yeah, I um...well. It's about something kinda...personal." I took a seat next to her on the couch and took a breath, looking at my hands trying to figure out how to word it. "I've been trying to figure some things out, but I....I'm confused." Looking up to meet her gaze, "How do you know the difference between love....and lust. How do you know it's real. Like the real thing?" My stomach felt like it was turning I was so nervous about actually talking about this, and with his ex-girlfriend at that. No, not awkward.

She chuckled a bit and sat down. "Understandable to be confused, especially as a vampire. Your senses must be so strong that I bet it's hard not to jump the first nice looking guy you see" she said as she leaned back to think for a minute.

"Well, I guess the real difference would be how you'd feel after anything sexual. If it was just lust, after sex you'd feel like moving on with your life, go do something else probably. But if it's real love you'd see yourself spending time with that person, outside of the bedroom too. You'd feel happy just being with them, hanging out. And most importantly, you'd be willing to lay down your life for them. You stop caring about your happiness and your needs and worry more about theirs. THAT right there, is true love"

I nodded and took a sip of blood, agreeing with her confused statement. She thought for a minute before beginning to answer. I listened so closely to every word. Comparing that to the feelings I had been feeling lately. I stared into space as she talked and took another sip. Her last line....

You stop caring about your happiness and your needs and worry more about theirs. THAT right there, is true love"

I nearly choked on my blood, shaking my hands to tell her I was okay as I stood up and turned away from her. Staring into the fire as I remembered everything Quinn and I shared. There was sexual tension, but I always wanted to be around him. When I was with him just talking, hanging out, fighting, I was...me. I was complete, I was just myself. Always happy and so many times I wanted to say those words, but not until I knew what they meant. The thought of Quinn getting hurt tore me in half, the night I dreamed he was hurt and I couldn't get to him. The pain in my chest was almost unbearable. I turned to face her and shook my head.

"But what if....it's only one sided?" Could he really love me? What if I was just someone he wanted a night with? What if he changed his mind?

She chuckled. "Doesn't mean its wrong. Sometimes love is one sided. Either it can grow into something more, or you resign yourself to be content for them" she crossed her legs.

"Love can be one sided, but it can still exist. Some people turn that love into hate when the object of their affections doesn't reciprocate. Others content themselves with knowing the other person is happy, even with someone else. You just have to decide, if your love is one sides, what to do with it. Will you let it turn to hate? or will you continue loving that person, happy that they are happy even if they're not with you?"

I could never hate Quinn if he didn't love me back, it would be the story of my life. Jason hated me, hurt me too but still I couldn't hate him. Only could I wish him happiness and hope he found it, same with Quinn. "I...I would want them to be happy whatever they decided." I thought on it for a moment. "Is...it supposed to hurt so bad? I mean....when I'm not around them I feel like part of me is missing. When I see them I just want to be in their arms." I lowered my head and felt like crying because of what I was about to admit. "Afraid....you're not good enough because they deserve better. They deserve someone who'll grow old with em', someone who can....who can give them children." I covered my mouth at the things I'd been fighting with for the last few weeks.

She smiled and touched her shoulder. "As many songs before have said, love hurts, but sometimes it's a good kind of hurt. You don't want to be apart from the people you love, you want them around always. When in love you only feel complete with them, and they in turn help you become a better person. Yes sometimes you feel insecure, like you're not worthy of having them, but if they love you back then they'll talk you out of those insecurities"

She handed Jessica a small tissue when she saw a blood tear leak from her eye. "If they love you, they would accept all you have to give, and even the things you cannot give them. They wouldn't belittle you for things you can't help, and they wouldn't demand things that go against your nature"

I wrapped my arms around her neck and hugged her as I felt more tears fall. Sniffling as she said more than I could ever ask for. It all made SO much sense now, so many things I questioned, I now knew what it meant. Partly crying for how kind she was being and partly crying because I realized what I was feeling. I.... loved someone and I didn't even know it. My thoughts went to Bill as I pulled away and let her go before smiling nervously. "Sorry...I just...sorry." Drying my eyes and composing myself as I smiled. "That answers....so much. If only.....if only....Bill...." I let my words trail off as I shook my head. If only Bill understood my feelings. If only Bill understood me

Kiara blinked, but smiled as Jess hugged her. Poor baby vamp probably kept everything bottled in. When she mentioned Bill however Kiara rolled her eyes.

"Jessica... I envy you honestly. You at least have a father figure who cares. He worries and only wants the best for you. I'd give anything to have my father here for 30 seconds even if it was to scold me and tell me off" She gave Jessica a hard look. "Don't throw away what you have now. Bill and you may have your differences but you're still family. You should cherish each other as much as you can. Maybe as vampires it doesn't count as much, but you really never know if what you say to them, will be the last thing you say. Words said in anger can never be taken back when death gets in your way, and believe me, you don't want to live with that kind of regret" she said, as if speaking from experience.

I listened to her words as she spoke with slight anger about wishing she had her father again. Her words said a lot and I knew she was absolutely right. Bill was the only father I had left in any sense of the word and if he met the true death without knowing that I was sorry about our fight I would never forgive myself. "You're right Kiara. I just don't...I don't know how to talk to him anymore. He doesn't understand me and everything blows up into a huge fight with him."

She chuckled. "Cut him some slack Jess. The last time he raised children you weren't even a twinkle in your granddaddy's eye" she said. "He's old fashioned and you're still a teenager in a sense."

She paused and looked at Jessica. "Besides, have you tried to understand him? His daughter in a sense runs off with a man whom he doesn't trust. He tries to get her to come home and she turns around and spurns his help. How do you think he feels?"

I lowered my head and thought about her question. She was right, I hadn't understood him either. He looked at me like his....daughter? I never knew that. I guess looking back on everything that happened I didn't give him any reason not to get angry. I sighed and shook my head then looked back up to meet her eyes. "Do you think....he'll listen if I talk to him again? I don't want it to be this way, I hate us not talking." I felt horrible for everything that had happened between us and knew he was only trying to protect me. Truth was I missed him so much and wondered if he missed me. But he wouldn't be too happy about Quinn....or my feelings for him.

She nodded "I think with some time yes, Bill will be willing to talk to you and you two and sort things out. He still needs time to come to grips to you dating Quinn. Not to mention with everything going with victor, he's a tad stressed. Give him some time" she said, trying to reassure Jess.

I blinked a few times and smiled. "Dating....Quinn? I...we're...not dating." I felt like my cheeks were flushing red as I thought about the fact that I wanted to, but couldn't let her know that. I mean I didn't want it to be awkward. I avoided her eye contact for a minute or so as she just gave me a look. "Well, we're not dating. We're just...hanging out." Right? Or were they? Who was I kidding, I didn't even know if he felt the way I did.

She rolled her eyes "Please... Stevie Wonder can see the torch you carry for him" she said with a grin. "And judging by your reactions I think you've figured out that you're in love with him so relax ok?" she said as she leaned back.

"Just... give Bill time to adjust to everything then you'll be able to talk"

I felt like floating really. It was the weirdest feeling, not flinching when she said the words "in love". Was I really? It was like a feeling you got on the first day of school...anxiousness, sickness, dizziness and sometimes just joy. He made me feel so many feelings at once. I thought it was all because I wanted to love him, because I wanted to give him so much...but now I realized it was because I...loved him....because I was in love with John Quinn.

Blinking from my thoughts as she sat back on the couch. I nodded and smiled. "I'll give him some time. Do you think you can give him a message for me? Tell him to meet me at the Manor tomorrow at sun set. If you need to tell him anything, you can. Maybe hearing it from you first will help the blow."

I went to take a seat next to her and exhaled. "Kiara...I really do....really do love him. He makes me...I can't describe it. Every time he kisses me, I forget where I am. Every time he touches me it's like this spark of electricity. Every time....." I sighed and caught myself. "Sorry you uh...probably don't need to hear that."

She chuckled. "Don't worry Jess. I'm glad you're happy with Quinn, honest." She said softly. "Now go back to Quinn, chances are he's worried about you and where you are" she said, knowing the tiger he'd probably had someone tracking Jessica 24/7 without her knowing.

I nodded and reached up to touch the pendant Quinn had given me as I thought about her words. It was like she had given me her blessing to love him. I could tell she herself may even be in love with my maker, and if she made him happy I was happy. Weird how things worked out. "I can't thank you enough. I don't have....girl friends or anything. Not anyone that would understand. I wasn't even banking on you understanding." I hugged her again and stood suddenly remembering something. "Oh, and please tell Bill to be careful. Victor has sent weres and who knows what or who else. I had a....run in. So both of you should watch your back."