Trying to land a man

It was Sunday night so Jane decided to go on down to Merlotte's and try to land herself a man. Her B.O.B. was getting old and she wanted more than anything to just feel loved from a man. Her ex, Bobby was piece of work. After he was out of the picture Jane became very depressed and desperate. Turning to alcohol to cope.

She was dressed in grade A white trash clothing way to tight for her figure. Her hair was frazzled and messy and she appeared to be buzzing. She stumbled her way to the bar and tried to hop on a stool. Missing the seat, she stumbled and almost fell. A trucker that occasionally stopped in grabbed her arm before she could fall and that was all it took.

"Stttthaanks" She slurred as she smiled trying to be flirtatious. He gave an uneasy smile and went back to talking to another trucker. Jane looked at the barmaid and ordered a scotch on the rocks.

I arrived to work and Sam asked if I could handle helping take drink orders behind the bar because Sookie and Tara both were sick and Arlene and Holly couldn't work doubles. He was frustrated as usual and I jumped at the chance. I always wanted to be one-a those bartenders that did flare, or whatever its called. Like when I was in 9th grade I snuck this movie Coyote Ugly and fell in love with it. Taking orders was a start. I made my way behind the bar proudly as he made drinks and handed them to me as I took them to tables. I was back behind the bar cleaning the counter when I saw Jane Bodehouse stagger in. I rolled my eyes because she already looked wasted. Tara normally put her in her place, but I wasn't used to dealing with her. I tried to ignore her as she almost fell and then ordered a scotch on the rocks from me. I looked around for Sam and realized he had went in the back for a case of Bud. I stumbled nervously as she just stared at me waiting anxiously for her drink. "Ok, sure. Sam will be right back." Truth was I had no idea what Scotch was.

*I pull into the parking lot, I haven't been in a while thinking that some of Layfayette's chili will make this evening go much smoother. I have traversed most of the parish on almost a dozen calls tonight. I keyed up the radio to tell Rosie I am on dinner break. I open the door and stroll over to a empty table. I look around seeing the usual crowd in tonight.*

She looked dumbfounded at the barmaid. "Waaasssaa maatter, yewww can't fix it yerself?" She questioned with a grin. Looking back over to the trucker briefly to wink at him. Then back to the red head behind the bar. "Aw hell, where Sssam! SAM! Saaam Merlotte?!" She yelled, frustrated that it was taking this long for her drink.

I bit my lip as she asked If I couldn't fix it myself. Truth was, one-I didn't know what the hell a scotch was and two-Sam would kill me if I screwed up or served alcohol without a license. I just smiled a bit and shook my head. "One be but a minute." She then sat up and started yelling for Sam. I backed away because her breath reeked of alcohol. Sam came running from the back, noticing Kenya and looking at me to make sure I wasn't doing anything illegal. He didn't need any citations. He stood guardedly in front of me and looked at Jane. <Jane, Jane...calm down. What is it, what's the problem?>

I stood back and just watched at how pathetic this woman was. She was so desperate and a drunk. Did she not have anything to live for?

*I watched the scene unfold over at the bar. Jane Bodehouse was in tonight for her nightly binge drinking and passing out somewhere in the Merlotte's property. Her raising her voice really upset Jessica and made Sam come running. I have a feeling I am getting my chili to go.*

She looked at Sam and rolled her glazed eyes. "Yew have shitty service, Sam Merlotte. Least yew could do is have a bar maid who knows what the hell she's doin'!" She snapped. Standing from her barstool she fixed her hair and sighed. "I'm going to the rest room, and when I get back...I expect a Scotch ON ICE!!"

I arched a brow as she continued to yell at Sam. He shook his head and sighed heavy. <JANE! She's not even a bar maid! She is just taking orders not mixing drinks. Hold your horses okay?> I watched as Jane rolled her eyes and staggered to stand. I almost laughed when she left the room. Sam rubbed the back of his neck and I could tell he was annoyed. <Damn drunk..> He mumbled. I giggled a little and he looked at me sternly. "Sorry, sorry Sam. Is she ALWAYS like this?" He sighed and nodded. <Unfortunately, yes.> I patted his shoulder as he grabbed her drink. Noticing Kenya sit at my table, I grabbed my pen and pad and went over to take her order. "Hey Deputy. What can I getcha?"

*I smile at Jessica feeling sorry that she had to deal the Jane. Actually I feel sorry for anyone who has to deal with Jane Bodehouse.*

Hey Jessica can I get a bowl of chili and a glass of sweet tea please?

*I watched Jane walk towards the restroom weaving barely steady on her feet.*

*I smiled and wrote down her order* Sure coming right up! *I used vampire speed and placed her order on the order wheel as I went back to her table with a cold glass of sweet tea. I knew the importance of quick service. She was on break and lord knows when she'd have to hurry and leave. Setting it on the table I smiled* Here you are. Chili shouldn't be long. You want me to put it in a to go box for ya? Or you wanna eat here?

* I was half listening to the radio chatter and when Jessica asked if I wanted the chili to go I sigh hoping not to eat on the go.*

I hope to eat it here but have a to go carton just in case Jessica. Thanks for asking that's really sweet of you.

Smiling back I nodded. "Sure thing." Turning on my heel I headed back to the bar to give Sam table 5 drink order. Just when I thought I was in a good mood I saw Jane coming out the bathroom, lipstick on her lips...way too dark and a little smudged. Oh good Lord in heaven that woman needed therapy.

She made her way staggering out of the restroom with a cheesy grin on her face. She had applied lipstick in front of the mirror, and she found she looked hot to trot. She made her way to the juke box and selected a song. Swaying her hips to the beat she tried to get the trucker to notice her. She stumbled and staggered more as she slowly made her way closer to him. She noticed him watching her. She felt more confident as she started to lift her shirt a little to show some skin.

Suddenly she tripped over her own boot and fell to the floor. The gentleman rushed to her aid. "You aight, ma'am?" She looked up at him with a trickle of blood running from her nose. "Yeeees I am now." She began to get up with his help and leaned in and kissed his lips. He pushed her off of him and being the gentleman he was he tried to explain she wasn't his type. Jane wanted to hear none of it as she began to try to seduce him right there in Merlotte's. "Oh come on SHUGA, you know you wanna taste my candy" She said in a sing song voice as she tried to remove her clothes.

*I sigh long and loud taking a huge drink of sweet tea, I get up from the table walking across over to Jane Bodehouse. Seeing her taking off her clothes pretty much killed my appetite for chili or any food for here on out.*

Jane Bodehouse you are under arrest for public indecency and public intoxication. You have the right to remain silent. *which I know you won't I think*

Anything you say can be used against you in a court of law.

You have the right to have an attorney present now and during any future questioning. *Kill me now if I have to talk about her semi nudity*

If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you free of charge if you wish.

Jane do you understand these rights as I explained them to you?

* I slap the cuffs on her trying to keep her steady on her feet. Jane starts grumbling and yelling as I try to lead her out of the bar.*