I can't trust myself

Kiara had awoken with the strangest fuzzy feeling in her mind. It was early in the day even for her and Bill beside her was dead to the world. Almost mindlessly she got up, put on her robe and headed into her office, closing the door behind her. She logged into her computer and began searching some files.

She found a file in her private server called “Contact Destruction” clicking into it she found a word document that once she clicked it seemed to outline a procedure to destroy all her anti glamour contacts. With single minded purpose she began to read the document and follow its instructions. Little did she know that once… long ago she’d booby trapped her own files, knowing that one day things could go wrong.

The word document sent a special encrypted email to John Quinn. The title heading was marked “urgent” and the body was composed of just a few lines and an embedded video.

As this email got sent Kiara began to send another email. She was recalling ALL the contacts she shipped; to clients, to her employees and to Quinn. She stated in the email almost dumbly that she was recalling all the contacts for their immediate destruction. She didn’t state why they needed to be destroyed, only that they had to be.

Once she’d finished typing the email she leaned back. She felt oddly better after sending that email. It almost confused her why she sent it but all she could hear in the back of her mind was a steady voice telling her she must destroy the contacts. She then began sending an email to Eric Northman; just simply stating that she’d never found any evidence of the vial of Lillith and that she was ending the search. Again she didn’t know why she was sending this email, she couldn’t recall having not found any evidence but there again was that still small voice in her mind urging her on.

-------------------------------Email marked Urgent-------------------
Quinn, watch this video now.

Embedded was a short video of a fresh faced Kiara looking quite serious. She was sitting in her office at the compound, leaning close to the camera.

“Quinn, if you’re watching this, it means someone has compelled me to destroy the anti-glamour contacts. This is bad. I would never willingly do this. My best bet was that I’ve been glamoured but I cannot prove it” she began before her face got even more serious.

“DO NOT under any circumstances let me destroy these contacts. If I send an email asking for them disregard that email. Somehow…you need to find me… you need to prove whether or not I was glamoured” her face turned sad. “I would hate to think it is someone I trust… but right now… in this video, there is no one I can trust but you. You’ve lived among vampires and other creatures. If theres anyone who can hold his own and not have his views swayed is you”

She leaned back in her seat, looking defeated and frustrated “I may be in serious trouble Quinn… I trust you can get me out of wherever I am… I need you to check my activity. Knowing you, you can break into my secure server. Do it if you must. Check my recent emails, anything that proves I've been compromised. You know me... maybe even better than I know myself" she rubbed the bridge of her nose. "This video shows... I cannot even trust myself"

Quinn turned off the video...and sat thinking...then keyed a number into his phone.

"Marcus, bring the failed prototype contacts from the lab, the ones that look like the Griffen batch. They are to be shipped, labeled as requested recall. Send them to the Prima Vitae offices. Bring me a box of the upgrades as well. I have a feeling they might be needed."

Quinn walked over to the mirror, placing a fresh set of the KG-Upgrade contacts into his eyes, blinking a few times to settle them into place, then sent an email to Kiara, letting her know that he needed a meeting when she had time on a personal matter. He downloaded the attachment to a flash drive, and dropped it in his pocket. He hit the call button.

"Vincent, I am going to be making a run to Shreveport for the evening. Please be sure to attend to Ms. Hamby's needs while I am gone. The client files she needs to go over tonight are on my desk. I will be leaving in two hours."

Vincent listened and nodded. "Of course, Sir. I will take care of everything."

As Vincent left the room, Quinn typed a password into his computer, accessing hidden files and pulling up the Compton Estate security footage for the last week. He keyed in a search for Kiara/Bill, Kiara/Judith and Kiara/Unknown and waited for the results. As he scanned through the vids, he flagged a few for review and pulled those to the desktop. As he watched the videos, he sped through dead times until he saw what he had been looking for. It looked like Compton had been a bad boy...he deleted the sexual footage and downloaded the aftermath and what he suspected was what she would need to see. He looked up to see Vincent returning with a small box and a set of keys. He took them and smiled.

"Perfect timing, as always, Vincent."

He sent a text to Kiara with the location of one of his offices in Shreveport and headed to the garage. He wanted everything in place before she arrived. He knew she would not have sent that to him willingly...something was seriously wrong.

Kiara had just been sitting mindlessly in her office, like she had no work to do despite the contrary. Her phone buzzed, showing a new email. It was from Quinn wanting a meeting.

Something in her stomach told her it was important but for the life of her she couldn't recall why seeing Quinn would be so urgent. But she was awake, it was daylight and she didn't seem to have anything to do. So quickly she took a shower, got dressed, grabbed her keys and phone and left. She told the guards she was headed to her work compound which set them at ease. However half way through the drive she lost their tail as usual.

She rolled her eyes. Bill may want her guarded but the guards always sucked the fun out of everything. She drove to Shreveport towards directions Quinn had just barely texted her. She hadn't been to this place before but she didn't feel the need to question Quinn. Despite their history she trusted the tiger.

Quinn was working as quickly as he could. He attached the vid she had sent to the video clip he had copied from Compton's security cameras. He set the videos to loop and replay then turned it on. He heard her pulling up outside, and turned away from the door. He waited for her to knock, and released the locks on the door. He turned the screen a bit so it would be in view when she sat down. He paused the video as the attachment restarted. Closing the screen partially, he waited for her to get comfortable before doing anything.

"Thank you for coming, Kiara. You know I would not have asked if it was not important."

Kiara nodded and smiled. "No worries Quinn. It's...been a strange day" she said, before she sat down.

"So whats up? It sounded urgent your email" she said as she watched him. There was a screen up and queued to something but she couldn't tell what.

"So whats up? It sounded urgent your email"

"I have something I need to show you. You are probably not going to want to believe it at first, but you know I would never try to deceive you, especially with something this important."

He lifted the screen up so she could see her own face. He passed her a glass of peach ice tea then hit the button to begin the playback loop.

She blinked. She saw herself on video which was confusing at first. As she took the tea she listened to herself, the video making memories prick at her mind.

But what made her nearly drop the glass she held was what was after the video. She saw herself, under Bill, clearly post sex but it was his words that struck her.

Among other things he was glamouring her to destroy the contacts, to forget about the vial...and to forget he had ever glamoured her. She had to watch the video at least two more times before it all sank in.

Her head began to hurt, like a spike being driven through it. Memories rushed her, making her clutch her head in agony. She remembered the panic, the fear, the sadness, Bill's voice echoing in her mind.

Finally she could speak, despite the pain making her tear up.

"He....he glamoured me? ME?!" she said almost not believing it. "How....how could he do this to me?" she asked, sounding devastated with a hint of pissed off.

"He....he glamoured me? ME?! How....how could he do this to me?"

Quinn reached in the drawer, pulling out two glasses and a bottle of peach liqueur. He poured her a glass, sliding it next to her tea, then set the bottle next to the second glass.

"I wish there had been an easier way to do this."

He sighed.

"You needed to know. There is a box being shipped to your offices. Feel free to have them destroyed for appearances. They were failed prototypes but they look like the ones you have me. Take your time and wrap your head around things. We have to be smart about how this is handled."

Kiara downed the shot like it was a lifeline, her sorrow turning into sheer anger.

"This is what I get for trusting a fucking vampire..." she said before looking at him. She gave him an ironic smirk. "Looks like even my past self trusts you more than I do myself"

She rubbed her eyes and sighed. "That explains everything today... why I sent northman that email...why I didn't put on the contacts..." she then gasped and looked at him. "Quinn...this can only mean this fucking vial DOES exist! Why else would Bill fucking glamour me?"

"Quinn...this can only mean this fucking vial DOES exist! Why else would Bill fucking glamour me?"

He nodded quietly and set the box Vincent had given him on the desk.

"These are an upgrade from your design. You should be able to wear them without issue. They are full eye contacts though, take a bit of getting used to. The advantage is that they will not slide and are impossible to detect."

He passed the box across the desk to her.

"As to what you were saying, of course it exists. Nora and I have already been discussing possible locations."

He tossed her the koosh ball.

"That little item has been very useful. I added some spots that had oddly located scent markers, placed in a wall where he has pressed repeatedly, etc. I am guessing they are access points to hidden areas. I hope that can help. I no longer have free access to the estate but have my eyes on things as I can."

He poured her another shot and poured himself one. He tossed back the shot and looked to her carefully.

"You are actually taking this far better than I expected..."

She took the shot and chuckled darkly at his "taking this better" comment.

"Oh I'm sure I'm brewing a category 5 meltdown... but right now I can't afford it. Bill has been acting...really weird, even before this and it frightens me"

She sighed. "I'll have to save myself... " she whispered before she showed him her engagement ring. "Sad huh... marrying my would be killer.. and now the man who betrayed me"

"I'll have to save myself...Sad huh... marrying my would be killer.. and now the man who betrayed me"

"If you think about it..."
Quinn reached in his pocket, tossing a necklace on the desk.

"I have little room to judge, Kiara."

He looked at her carefully.

"You must be careful, Kiara. He may be under an influence. It would not be the first time. We need to track down that vial and destroy it. That needs to be out highest goal. I will try to find a way to balance things. As mad as you are at him right now, I know you love him. I will help you try to save him from himself."

He looked at her, a serious expression on his face...

"I am not joking about being careful. Now is the dangerous time. We know something, but do not know how much more there is to learn..."

She nodded. "Fucking Lillith... guess no one is immune to religious fanaticism"

She reached for the necklace then looked at Quinn. "You....really?" she asked. Quinn had always been a level headed man, doing his own thing so thinking he got caught up in all of this seemed strange.

She looked at the necklace, vaguely recognizing the symbol. "Those...authority vamps...they wore this huh?"

"You....really?"


"Salome did her job well. She took a lost Were and gave him a path he could understand. I fell in line with things because they made sense. I even asked...well..that doesn't matter...the main thing is that it was all a lie. You opened my eyes to that. All I am doing is returning the favor you once did for me."

"Those...authority vamps...they wore this huh?"

"Yes, the Crest of Lilith was the mark of the Authority. It still is."

He took a deep breath.

"Everyone thinks that with the death of the council, the Authority is gone. I only wish it were that easy. Nobody thinks about how young most of them were. The Authority was simply another puppet. I know, because I know all their secrets. While Salome was good at deception, she was not the only one. I learned a lot from her and the others. You would be surprised at some of the secrets I know. Some of it that I wish I could forget..."

He took back the necklace, dropping it in his pocket and looked back to her.

"You need to remember that the two of you are bonded. You may have to explain any anger he can sense, and the pain associated with it...be careful."

She shrugged "Don't worry...Russell schooled me well in keeping my cool around vampires" she said casually before leaning back.

"But I want to know... why do you want to save Bill? Is it because it would sadden Jess if he died?"

She didn't think Quinn liked Bill. They were always angry with each other. She was already planning how to keep her cool around Bill. She'd play the good stepford wife, but inside her she wasn't sure if this relationship could survive this betrayal. All she wanted to do was keep Bill safe... away from the Lillith craze...and instead she'd fallen deep into the jaws of the beast.

"But I want to know... why do you want to save Bill? Is it because it would sadden Jess if he died?"


Quinn chuckled as he heard her question...

"Yes, it would sadden Jessica...but that is not the only reason."

He stood, walking around the desk and pulling her to her feet, he looked in her eyes.

"I still have feelings for you, Kitten. I always have..."

Before she could react, he kissed her, then stepped back.

"That will never change, but the point is that Compton is important to you, and he is your choice, so I want you happy. This requires me to help him."

Kiara blinked. She was stunned into silence and for a moment she stood there dumbfounded before she blinked and returned to reality.

"My choice eh? well... it seems that I make very shitty choices" she said. She rubbed the ring on her finger, it's weight feeling like a true ball and chain. Yes she loved Bill, but this was twice that he was placing her in danger.

"Quinn I...." she looked at him. Gods she didn't want to cry. Dammit Kiara don't you dare fucking cry infront of this man, she told herself. The news of Bill's glamour, coupled with everything had usually steely emotions at a breaking point.

"I.. will always have feelings for you too. With you..things were simple, not all of this.. vampire government thing. But..." she gave him a soft, almost sad smile. "..I'm glad I let you go. You and Jess are so good together. I could never deny you such happiness now"

"I.. will always have feelings for you too. With you..things were simple, not all of this.. vampire government thing. But..I'm glad I let you go. You and Jess are so good together. I could never deny you such happiness now"

"Simple? ~he laughed~ Simple? Our relationship was about as simple as tax law, but I have to admit, it was fun trying..."

He rested his hands on her hips, smiling...

"I have to admit, sometimes I wonder about what might have been....but we both made choices, and I think they were the right ones. Right now we just need to focus on getting your fiance back to himself. I am hoping an outside influence is directing this...I have people trying to get information already..."

Her closeness sent his mind to places it really shouldn't go, and her scent brought back some very interesting memories....

She got close to him, lowering her head until her forehead was on his chest. She shook, still clinging to the fragile control she could muster.

"I wonder too what might have been...well..." she chuckled darkly "I may not have much time to wonder if Bill goes off the deep end and kills me" she said casually.

She then blinked and looked up at him, directly into his eyes. "If that happens again Quinn...if I'm on the brink of death again promise me...promise me you won't bring me back" she said seriously.

She was glad she had Quinn in her life, he was a steady anchor to her tumultuous life. Just being near him, his scent, his presence, it made her remember the good times in their relationship, when they forgot the world and cared only about each other.

His head lowered as he drank in her scent..he growled softly in her ear as the memories flooded him mind...

"I wonder too what might have been...well...I may not have much time to wonder if Bill goes off the deep end and kills me"


Quinn breathed deeply, her scent revealing her feelings well...

"If that happens again Quinn...if I'm on the brink of death again promise me...promise me you won't bring me back"

"I cannot make that promise, as much as I wish I could, Kitten."

He took her in his arms, lifting her to the desktop,setting her there so they were eye level. He kissed her again, this time lingering a bit longer,letting his instincts free for a moment as his hands slipped back down to her hips. As the kiss ended, his eyes sought out hers. He looked in her eyes, trying to see if the hunger was in her as well.

"All you need to do is tell me to stop, and I will..."

His hands slipped behind her, pulling her closer to the edge of the desk as he kissed her neck...

"I cannot make that promise, as much as I wish I could, Kitten."

She blinked. She knew he wouldn't let her die, no matter how much she herself craved death. She gasped, suddenly in his strong arms and being set on a surface so they were at eye level. His lips on hers shattered her resolve and she eagerly kissed him back. She tugged on his bottom lip when he pulled back, her eyes locked on his.

"All you need to do is tell me to stop, and I will..."

But honestly? she didn't want him to stop. Not right now, not when her world seemed to crumble at every turn. She brought her hands up, touching his broad shoulders. His lips on her neck tore a ragged moan from her throat. No, she needed this, needing something to feel other than the vast emptiness and fear she'd been suppressing.

If this was her last hurrah before Bill finally went crazy and killed her the dammit she would go out at least having one final good memory. She dragged her fingers across his shirt, tugging at it, wanting it gone so she could crawl up in his arms and hide from reality, even if just for a little while.

Kiara's moan set his mind blazing, waking passions and memories of their past together. His hands slipped under the edge of her shirt, even as she struggled to unbutton his...his hands found her skin and he began to trace every curve with gentle fingertips, kissing her neck, nibbling lightly...

He felt her engagement ring brush against his skin, sparking a memory of when he gave Jessica hers...gods, if Jessica knew about this...but the passions were so familiar. All of this drama as of late had left them little time for each other...and Kiara's scent was so familiar...so comforting...surely one little slip could be forgiven...even one such as this...his mind was a war, old passions fighting with new memories for dominance. All the while, his hands roamed her well known curves, her taste on his lips as he kissed her skin...he let his nails graze her skin lightly, knowing what that always did to her...

She shuddered, his hands roaming her skin. Everything so familiar...so...safe. He knew in ways no man would ever know her. Goose flesh erupted all over her skin when his nails teased her so lightly. She dipped her head near his neck and inhale his innately masculine scent.

So different from Bill... it was raw animal power. In this world he was top predator and she would be his prey. She half closed her eyes, catching a glint of her own engagement ring. Everything that had gone on, the strain with Bill from long since before this glamour.

With a bit of difficulty she reached and removed her ring, setting it aside somewhere to be fetched later. Right now this wasn't about vows, it was about two people who were drowning in darkness and needed to find the light together.

She scooted back enough so she could pull her shit off herself. She was much skinnier than how she used to be while dating Quinn. Around vampires she hardly ate, and with Bill's feeding from her it took an extra toll on her body. Perhaps the only thing familiar was her ever present belly ring; a half moon this time.

She brought her hands up to his cheeks, cupping his whiskered face. "Hate me tomorrow Quinn... today...I need this...I need you"

"Hate me tomorrow Quinn... today...I need this...I need you"

He pulled back a moment, looking in her eyes...

"I could never hate you, Kitten. We are connected in ways that could never be broken."

He leaned in, kissing her deeply then tugged her shirt over her head, follow by his own. He looked deeply in her eyes, wondering how far she wanted to take this ride...and there was that voice in his own mind, screaming for him to stop as well...

She returned his kiss eagerly, wrapping her arms around his neck once he'd disposed of his shirt. His skin was warm, were warm which was hotter than human temperature. She was so used to Bill's cold touch that feeling Quinn's on her body electrified her.

She stared into his eyes. Gods if she became the riff that broke Jess and Quinn apart she'd never forgive herself, but right now... right now she wasn't paying attention to her inner self screaming at her to stop. Right now all her broken battered heart wanted was something to make sense.

She traced her fingers down along Quinn's intricate tattoo. She'd never bothered to ask him the story behind it. It was beautiful and innately masculine, like him. Her fingers trailed along the dark inked lines, finding the natural lines of his muscles. They were so familiar yet new to her. Clearly he'd been working out, the skin on his body feeling like silk stretched over steel, soft yet covering the hardness of his muscles. As her fingers crawled back up the natural contours of his bicep she noticed something in his tattoo. Among all the lines and designs... it was... her name.

Her fingers paused and she looked into his eyes. "Quinn...." she whispered. She remembered that day long ago, when they were going through a rough patch after being apart. They were both trying so hard to make it work, to make things right. She recalled asking him why, not to mention the cardinal rule of never tattooing a name on your body and he'd simply said...that she would be with him always. She recalled the emotions of that night, and the fabulous, not to mention lengthy sex marathon that followed.