Doubt

He barely heard her words as the scent of her blood filled his senses...so delicious...so tempting...his eyes flashed down to the source of the scent. He dropped to his knees, drawn to the blood. He tried to fight it...but it smelled so delicious...the pain would go away...just a taste...the pain in his chest was like hammers striking anvils...

"Jessica..."

He felt his body lowering toward the blood. He fought with himself, trying to move away, but the scent filled his mind...his fingers dipped into the growing pool of blood. He looked at his fingers coated in his salvation...his cure...the only thing stopping him was her. Her love...her strength...her tenderness...her. He continued to stare at his blood covered fingers for a minute, unsure of what he was going to do...

"Quinn--I'm sorry...I--" I watched him drop to his knees and my eyes went wider. I froze, not knowing what to do or say. His fingers dipped into the small pool of blood and stared at it. No, no, no, no this couldn't be happening. I blinked back to reality and slowly lowered myself to my knees before him. "Quinn..." My voice was soft as I watched him closely. "Don't...do it....please. Think about what you're doing."

My fear for what he might do over rode my thought process and I took his fingers into my mouth and sucked my blood from them to take away the temptation before he lost control. I used the bottom of my robe to wipe the floor and looked back up at him with a cautious gaze, my hand still on his.

He watched in horror as she sucked the blood from his fingers, then his mind went dark...that was only a drop in the bucket. She was here and sated...plenty more available...without thinking, he shifted and dropped down to a crouch, growling deeply as he watched her carefully...his enhanced sense made his mind scream even more. His heart still throbbed, sapping much of his strength, but his salvation was so close...

Please be dreaming, please be dreaming, please be dreaming. I had not yet fed for this evening and here I was face to face with a very hungry tiger. My dream of Quinn killing me in his tiger form started to feel more and more real. I swallowed hard and slowly stood holding my hands out to him. "Quinn...wh-what are you doing?" I thought he'd gotten past the temptation of V..he smashed the vial. But..this was not just V...this was my blood. The blood he liked.

"Qu-Quinn...p-please." I felt my body shiver slightly in fear, never seeing him like this. His low growl made me back up until I once again had my back against the wall. This was it, almost ironic how it was going to happen. I foresaw it all and yet here I was at the mercy of the man I loved. I closed my eyes and turned my head away from him bracing for him to attack.

"Qu-Quinn...p-please."

Seeing his pray against the wall, Quinn pounced, slamming a forepaw into the wall on either side of her head, his claws digging deep. He brought his muzzle close to her face, smelling the V on her breath. His eyes found hers, the hunger evident in his own...but more than the hunger was the pain...the anguish that he was feeling bled through in this form. He growled as he stared into her eyes, his head moving around, sniffing her hair, her skin...finally coming to rest on her shoulder, inches from her neck...he growled low..his breath falling across her skin...he drank in her scent and was surprised to notice the fear in it..

His large teeth were so close to my neck it was unnerving. I still felt weak from not having fed and knew a fight with him would end in my death. I felt frozen with fear, unable to move as the images of him ripping my throat out with his teeth replayed in my mind from my dream. I flinched at his growl as he sniffed me out, one goal in his mind. I was now the happy meal and Quinn was the eager kid wanting the food. Fucked was an understatement. AS I waited for the inevitable I whispered, "I'll always love you" and shut my eyes tight so I didn't have to see it coming.

"I'll always love you"

His prey was not even fighting..that took half the fun out of this...but the scent of a body full of V was so tempting....he was conflicted though...he knew this vampire...how he knew her he was not sure...but there was a connection. He heard Russell's voice as he looked at her throat...

~So you see, I was right. Nothing but an animal waiting to come out and show itself. Too unpredictable...to impulsive to let him live. You see Demona, this is why we had to kill him.~


Russel's words brought him up short...but the craving for the blood fought with him for control until one single thing echoed in what was left of his mind...

"I'll always love you"

He dropped the to ground, shifting back to human form, tears pouring from his eyes as he crawled away from her in shame...he could not even look up at her...Russell had been right....nothing but a beast...

I felt the air shake again and peeked out of one eye to see him crawl across the room and lean his back against the wall. I let out an unneeded breath and watched him cover his face. I could tell he was crying by the smell of his salt tears.

Slowly I walked over to where he sat and knelt down in front of him, still keeping a distance between us. "Quinn? I know you didn't mean it...I know it was an accident. It has to get worse before it gets better." I went to place my hand on his knee but changed my mind and looked down, not knowing what to say to him.

"Quinn? I know you didn't mean it...I know it was an accident. It has to get worse before it gets better."

He could not even look at her...

"You should go feed, Jessica. I am not safe to be around. Russell was right about me. Nothing but a beast that should be put down."

He looked dejectedly into his own hands...

"To think what I almost did..."

Russell Edgington, of course. The same man who once tried to kill me, the psycho vampire king from Mississippi. I took pleasure in draining one of his pesky wolves. I refused to leave him like this, I refused to let him to this to himself. "Right. Almost. I almost lost control with you so many times we can't count. You are not a beast."

I moved to the side of him and lifted his chin to make him look at me. "Don't do this to yourself. You regained control, you fought through it." I wouldn't tell him I was still scared a bit at what almost happened nor that being this close to him again gave me a cold shiver down my spine. If I feared him, he'd for sure refuse to allow himself near me.

"Don't do this to yourself. You regained control, you fought through it."

"And how much does that really matter, Jessica..You are terrified to be this close to me. I can smell the fear coming from you as strong as the scent of your blood. I cannot even be trusted with you, then what good am I? The slightest drop and I lose control. The last thing that you need here is a wildcard...one that could get you killed."

His eyes flashed to the door....damn, she sealed it.

"I cannot be trusted, Jessica. I am an addict, that much is obvious...but I am one who could do more harm than good..."

His eyes shifted to the broken glass on the floor, thinking of his options...

How stupid of me to forget that he could smell my emotions as if they were painted across my face. His words hurt, seeing him not trust himself or our love. Was it just not strong enough to overcome this? If I kept him sealed up like this, like an animal, how else was he supposed to act. It all came down to choices. I remembered the night he rescued me from myself at Fangtasia when I danced, high on his blood. Falling into his arms and knowing he'd always catch me. The choice had to be his, and only his. Without another word I stood and slowly walked across the room to the door and placed a hand on the surface.

Pressing my lips tightly together I fought back my own tears and keyed in my code. The door opened to reveal the stairs to leave. I lowered my head and moved away from the door. "The choice...is yours." I walked back to my bed and took a seat at the edge, placing my hands in my lap and looking down at the ring on my finger.

"I do love you, Jessica...and that love is why I have to do this. I will come back when I have dealt with this monster inside me. I cannot risk it harming you. That would end me."

He stood and moved slowly over, getting dressed. He looked back to where she was sitting.

"This is not goodbye. I just have to get my head around things. To do that, I need to face myself and my past. I cannot ask you to go through that with me."

As he went to walk toward the doorway, his legs collapsed from under him. His strength reserves had finally given out on him. So much for putting on a show of strength. He barely had the energy left to breathe, much less move...

I refused to let the tears fall, knowing I had to do this. I had to let him go and do this alone, it was something not even I could help him through. Not when I myself was the temptation he was seeking redemption from. My blood was his drug, it was like waving a pie in front of a diabetic. I was torturing him just being around him.

"This is not goodbye. I just have to get my head around things. To do that, I need to face myself and my past. I cannot ask you to go through that with me."

I nodded silently and sat there looking down at my hands. It wasn't goodbye but it felt like it. I couldn't help him through this pain, I couldn't be there for him like I wanted to. I couldn't help him. I heard the sound of something fall and looked up to see him on the floor. With speed I rushed over to him and rolled him over to look at me. His eyes were unfocused and open, his breathing shallow but he was conscious. "Quinn...it's okay. I'll fix this." I placed a pillow under his head and rushed upstairs to the landline and placed a call. The guards who were stationed here from Bill looked at me and braced for some kind of threat. I dialed the one person I knew could and would help Quinn like I couldn't.

"Vincent, it's Jessica. I--I need a favor." After explaining to Vincent everything that happened and getting scolded for not calling sooner, I waited for him to arrive. When he did, I pointed downstairs and ordered my guards to help carry Quinn out. He was right, he needed to do this away from me, as much and as deep as it hurt.

Vincent walked in with a scowl on his face. He followed her hand and sent his men downstairs to retrieve Quinn. Then he walked over to stand face to face with the redhead, the look of annoyance on his face speaking volumes.

"Ms. Hamby, how could you have kept this a secret? There are ways I could help him, but in his current state, I don't know how much I can do. I will need three things from you, Ms. Hamby...for his sake."

He took a small vial from his belt and handed it to her.

"I need a small sample of your blood. It was the most obvious source so I can use it to work on an anti-toxin for his system. Secondly, keep his condition secret. If anyone asks, he is away on business and will return soon. Lastly, and it pains me to say this, Ms. Hamby. Stay away from him until he is through this. No matter if he calls you, texts...nothing. I will keep you appraised of his condition, but from what you told me, your blood is a significant trigger right now and we cannot risk your welfare. He would never forgive me."

I couldn't look at him as he scolded me again. I knew I'd taken on more than I could chew but in my defense I thought I could help him through this. All I wanted was to be there for him like he was always there for me. I thought I was strong enough...I wasn't.

"Ms. Hamby, how could you have kept this a secret? There are ways I could help him, but in his current state, I don't know how much I can do. I will need three things from you, Ms. Hamby...for his sake."

I nodded with my head lowered and said softly, "Anything." He began to list off the things he needed from me. I understood and accepted his word, knowing that he knew what to do for him.

"...Lastly, and it pains me to say this, Ms. Hamby. Stay away from him until he is through this."

I looked up then and felt like my heart had fell out of my chest at his words. I pressed my lips together for fear I might lose it right then and there, but nodded. Looking back down at the vial in my hands I pricked my finger on my fang and applied pressure so that the blood flowed into the vial. Once full I handed it back to him.

"I understand....I--I...I have to--take care of him Vincent." Without another word I couldn't bear it much longer, I couldn't hold it in any longer. With vampire speed I sped out of there and just ran. I didn't know where I was going but I couldn't watch him leave, I couldn't stay.